If We Be Friends
by Freya Sacksen
Summary: A faerie who's a Shakespeare whore. A boy who falls down stairs. A girl who thinks she should join the circus. Just another day at Duke Athens High School...or is it? Modern adaptation complete with giraffes, hairpins and Morris Gee. COMPLETE
1. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary:** A fairy who's a Shakespeare whore. A boy who falls down. A girl who wants to join the circus. Just a normal day at Duke Athens High School. Or is it?

**Note:** Yes, I am aware that turning Demetrius into Dmitri is a cliche. And Titania into Tanya. If you can think of better name I'd LOVE to hear them. No. Seriously. I'll actually go and change them and everything.

This was actually originally a movie script I wrote, so I've had to change a thousand things about it. The character ideas etc. are still the same, but a lot of the dialogue (at least in this chapter) has been changed.

**If We Be Friends**

**Chapter One: The Best Laid Plans**

Duke Athens High School.

Home to evil.

Pure, undiluted evil in its truest form. A creature of utter chaotic madness. None could withstand it and survive. None could-

"Robin. What the fuck are you doing?"

Robin froze and turned, deer-in-the-headlight eyes at the ready. He was short for his age, not to mention mostly androgynous. There were only a few things that hinted that he was a boy and not a severely lacking girl. His jawbone was a bit too square, shoulders a tad too broad, walk a tad less graceful (because he _was_ graceful-in a bizarre kind of way). The lack of definition was played up by him; he wore a tatty trench coat, cut off gloves, jeans so darned and patched most people with any sense of cleanliness would never touch and boots. Oh, the boots. The boots we shall not mention.

But, despite his best attempts, Robin _was_ attractive-concerningly so. His hair-was it blond? Was it brown? -fell to just above his chin, a mess and tangle of knots almost brushed out. His nose was long, with a slight hint of being broken once upon a time. Soft mouth, big hands-something about them was very attractive.

In fact, without his eyes, he could have been taken for just a small, fairly pretty boy.

But his eyes…

His eyes were huge and gold. Not gold as in golden-brown. Actual yellow gold, the gold of cats' eyes, the gold of cloth.

Of course, on his vital statistics they were brown, but that was because he wanted them to. Humans don't have gold eyes.

But, to the present and the current conversation.

"I didn't do it!" said Robin on instinct as he flicked the 'oh-god-please-don't-put-me-in-detention-I-have-English-homework-I-really-want-to-do (because he did)' look. He then promptly relaxed. "Oh, it's just you,"

"Just," sighed the tall teenage boy he spoke to, "I swear, it's a fine day when Robin Peters speaks to me, Jacob Oscars, as if I were but a mere servant!"

"Hey, Jacob we made an agreement, okay? No messing about at school!" off Jacob's raised eyebrow, Robin added, "Other than the stuff we normally get up to,"

Jacob rolled his eyes. Unlike Robin, who was only beautiful when you met his eyes, Jacob was simply astonishing.

Once, Jacob had asked Robin's mother why girls liked him. She had looked at him, mouth twisted as she considered him.

"You're a cross between Cillian Murphy and Heath Ledger," she finally said, "That's why. Oh, except the hair. But you can't help that,"

Jacob had scowled. Neither he nor Robin could do anything about the knots that plagued their hair. It was just something that happened.

"Well, what _were_ you doing?" asked Jacob. Robin coughed and stepped away from where he had been standing. Jacob rolled his eyes again.

"Robin, we have to cure you of your obsession with Shakespeare,"

"Obsession? Me?"

"Robin, you've copied out all of Shakespeare's sonnets on the wall. And it's not just any wall. It's the wall outside Principal Duke's office,"

"Yeah! He'll never suspect it's me!"

Jacob gave him a 'how-stupid-do-you-take-me-for?' look.

"Robin, what did you do to his office?"

"Nothing!" said Robin, but the corners of his mouth twitched as he fought back a smirk. He lost, and the smirk evolved into a grin across his face.

"_Robin_," said Jacob, exasperated.

"Alright, I filled it with sand," Jacob Looked at him. "Hey, don't look at me like that! He _said_ he liked the beach!" the Look continued, "I was just doing him a service, really! Honestly! I promise!"

Jacob sighed.

"Robin, you should have consulted with me _first_. As it is, I now have to very quickly fill the rest of it with water, and it's your fault,"

"You're right. I'm sorry, Jacob,"

"Damn straight you are,"

Jacob led Robin away from Principal Duke's office. Robin made a motion as if to go back, and Jacob made a violent gesture in response. Robin pouted, and continued down the corridor.

"Bucket's in the Rec Center if you want it," said Robin.

"Excellent,"

As they turned into the crowded corridor, Robin must have spotted something, for he suddenly began:

"_Not from the stars do I my judgment pluck,_

_And yet methinks I have astronomy;_

_But not to tell of good or evil luck,_

_Of season's dearth or winter's quality_,"

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sure you got that last line right?"

"Not at all,"

"Good. Because it probably wasn't," Jacob cuffed Robin upside the head.

"Ow!"

"Stop being a Shakespeare whore!"

"That _really really hurt!_"

"Are you quoting Austin Powers?"

Robin suddenly seemed to sense that this was a bad move and tried to look innocent. Of course, when it came to Robin, it never worked.

"Er…no…"

"What did I say about pop culture references, Robin? What did I say?"

"Jacob?"

"Yes?"

"Just because I am your jester does not mean you're my father," Robin's voice was tart, and then his face burst into another smiled of mischief, "Unless you _want_ to go down that path of popular culture…"

"_No_! And what was _with_ the Shakespeare quote, anyway?"

"Fresh blood ahoy, maties!" yelled Robin, leaping onto Jacob's back, who had no choice other than to grab his legs so that Robin didn't absolutely throttle him.

"What are you talking about-?" Robin grabbed the top of his head in one hand and _yanked_ his view towards the corridor.

"A new girl. She's in my drama class," he said in a teasing fashion, "Pretty as a picture, too,"

Jacob spotted her and promptly blushed fiercely.

She was quite tall and very elegant. Her skin was golden and her hair was blonde. Her clothes were fashionable, her mouth soft and her almond-shaped eyes were cat-purple.

And that beautiful blonde hair of hers was in a mess of beautifully arranged knots.

"She's just like you and me," said Robin, noticing that his best friend was visibly smitten. With a smile, Robin jumped off his back.

"I give her four days, maybe five before the cool group seize her in its evil grip,"

"Am I meant to find that encouraging?"

"Of course, it might take longer if she has a knight in shining…er…"

Robin inspected Jacob's clothes briefly.

"Go on," said Jacob, "Say it,"

"…Shining and unending denim to help her,"

"I knew you'd get there eventually,"

Robin gave him a sour look.

"Go on. Talk to her. You'll get a girlfriend, _I'll_ get a reprieve from being your scapegoat-where's the downside?"

"You being smug?"

"Aside from that,"

"And me being too distracted to destroy your Shakespeare obsession?"

"And that, although in my case, that's a bonus,"

"How about me being unable to help you in your mischief?"

"She's like you and me, Jacob! How can she _not_ want to join in the mischief?"

"We're not all jesters, Robin,"

"_And_? The only difference between jesters and everybody else is that we do it constantly. You only do it when an opportunity presents itself. For we jesters, we _make_ that opportunity. And we take it. And milk it for all that its worth. And then some more. And some more. And as much as possible until we get beaten about the head by the principal,"

Jacob coughed significantly.

"And/or our best friends,"

"Better," in response, Robin smiled with as much as charm as he could muster, which was actually quite a bit. Jacob sighed.

"All right!" said Jacob in a long-suffering tone; "I shall attempt to take her under my wing!"

"Sorry, O prince. You're a bit too late," Jacob blinked at Robin and then smacked the palm of his hand onto his face. The girl had just passed them.

"She's headed to the counselor's office," observed Robin.

"Well, let's head…"

"It's next to the principal's office,"

There was a pause.

"I hate it when you become the rational one, you know that, don't you?"

"Actually, I was only mentioning it because…"

"_OSCARS! PETERS! TO MY OFFICE, **NOW**!" _came the demand from the end of the corridor.

"…We're headed there right now," Robin grinned and sauntered to the principal's office, Jacob following with a sigh

"We're doomed," the tall boy told the air.

"Damn right!"


	2. Hostility, Taking the Fall & Richard III

**Summary:** A fairy who's a Shakespeare whore. A boy who falls down. A girl who wants to join the circus. Just a normal day at Duke Athens High School. Or is it?

**Chapter Two: Hostility, Taking the Fall, and Richard III**

"Boys, boys, boys, what _are_ we going to do about this hostility?" sighed the counselor, Miss Heppersell.

"We fell down," said one of them, voice even. He was quite tall, and slender. Matched with a face that would make Dorian Gray weep, and it was little wonder that girls swooned when he walked by. His name was Leon Detroit.

"Well. He fell down. I just helped," the other boy smiled, a long, broad, singularly unpleasant smile. This boy could be quite easily described: If you were to take Stephen Fleming and (ignoring all improbability) Sean Bean's lovechild, you would end up with something similar to this boy. His name was Dmitri Vertov.

Miss Heppersell sighed.

"Didja get him back, Leon?" she asked, a tiny smile on her face. She was a strawberry blonde who was more handsome than beautiful. Despite this, for the last six years, she had still been voted 'Sexiest teacher'. She didn't even teach anything (although she had taught drama two years ago, she quickly dropped it upon learning that Robin was to be in her class).

"Well," said Leon, with a small, falsely smile, "His injuries, while small, _are_ all my handiwork,"

Dmitri growled angrily, and made a move as if to do something violent. Miss Heppersell suddenly held out a hand carefully, with a slight hint of a smile. Dmitri obediently stood back into the pseudo-attention stance _all_ students made around the counselor.

"Ma'am," said Dmitri when the hand was lowered, "Seeing as all reports say you used to be champion wrestler in the WWE, I really don't think you can lecture us about hostility,"

"It's all staged," said Miss Heppersell flippantly.

"…Champion wrestler in the men's division?"

"What can I say?" she said, spreading her hands out in what she clearly thought was an expression of innocence. It wasn't. "He smacked me hard. I smacked back,"

"And you call _us_ hostile," said Leon, "Besides, what happened to it all being staged?"

"Well," she smiled, "Occasionally we need to get a real fight out of our systems. The blood is _real_ I'll have you know,"

"…Real goat's blood?" asked Dmitri, eyebrow raised.

"No, that was the Undertaker, not me,"

"The story with the pitchforks? Is that true?"

"A small metal splinter,"

"How about the hang glider?" asked Leon, looked both intrigued and really uncomfortable with the way this conversation was turning.

"He pushed ahead of me in a queue," that unnerving smile was still there. Dmitri took his turn with a question.

"The war hammer?"

"Foam,"

"The blood axe?"

"Blunt."

"The arrows?"

"You know those plastic rulers? The ones that bend?"

"I think so,"

"Yeah? They were made out of that,"

"The toilet seat?"

"It wasn't my fault he walked into the ladies' room," both boys were starting to look somewhat horrified.

"Didn't you _come onto him_?" Leon demanded. Suddenly, Miss Heppersell wasn't so sexy.

"Nobody frog marched him," she said, correcting her earlier statement.

"I thought you pushed him in with a spear!" Dmitri had gone from sullen to bloody terrified in barely a minute. Miss Heppersell smiled like a wolf.

"Female wrestlers come on strong and bite back hard,"

Dmitri and Leon shuddered in unison. They were _so_ never going to come back here if possible.

"See?" the smile turned from wolfish to mischievous, "Shared curiosity and disgust got rid of all that hatred, didn't it?"

Dmitri and Leon considered one another. Dmitri punched Leon in the face, and the two promptly started a scuffle. Miss Heppersell sighed.

"Take it outside, boys,"

The two paused, Dmitri still with Leon in a headlock and left the room. The instant they were out of the door, they started to scuffle again. It was only by clinging to the doorframe and walls for sweet life that Robin and Jacob managed to slip in.

"I didn't receive a memo about you two coming to my office," she said mildly. The two looked at her. She couldn't tell if they were truly sullen or were just playacting. She looked at Jacob. They were playacting. Jacob couldn't act.

"What did you do this time?" she smiled.

And so, Robin and Jacob told her of the Great Beach Escapade.

"But the quicksand was totally unintentional!" insisted Robin.

"I'm certain it was, Robin," said Miss Heppersell with a raised eyebrow. "After all, you've already played that prank,"

"It _was_ on a librarian,"

"That was the only reason you weren't kicked out by the janitors. When they heard it was a librarian, there was a pause and then they smiled. I hope never to see that smile on their faces again. I dislike them enough as it is without having to deal with that smile,"

The two smirked proudly.

"In any case, I'm glad Jacob, at least, came along. I was wondering if you could look after Tanya, our new student. You can come in, now," she called, and the door opened. Jacob choked. Robin smiled. Miss Heppersell hid a laugh behind a cough.

Sure enough, Tanya was the beautiful girl they'd seen in the corridor. Jacob took a deep breath.

"Oh, by the way, miss?" Miss Heppersell sighed as Robin raised a hand.

"Yes, Robin?"

"What was happening between Dmitri and Leon?"

"They fell down, apparently,"

"Do I have permission to avoid them, forever?" off the raised eyebrow, "I don't particularly want to gain a sudden attraction to staircases,"

"Too late," said Miss Heppersell, "You're going to keep an eye on them for me,"

"This is punishment for today, isn't it?"

"Robin, when it comes to you, our punishments have to be as creative as your pranks. Besides, it's getting harder and harder to keep you in detention," she sighed. Robin cackled.

"I know. It's wonderful,"

"After all, you and Jacob are the only students I have ever heard of who have successfully managed to get detentions over the summer holidays,"

"What can we say, miss?" said Jacob and Robin in perfect unison, "We try,"

"Robin?"

"Yes, miss?"

"Get the hell out of my office and find those two,"

Robin let out a sudden moan. Tears ran down his face as he started to make his way to the door, choking on sobs and clinging to the walls as much as possibly.

"Miss Heppersell?"

"Yes, Jacob?"

"Permission to forcibly eject my best friend from your office?"

"Granted,"

Jacob made a violent motion, but Robin chose that exact moment to suddenly let go of his grief and leg it out of there. Tanya stared out after him, astonished.

"Who would have thought a little guy could run so fast?" she mused.

"Well, yes," said Jacob, falsely modest, "I happen to be responsible for that," Tanya gave him an incredulous look.

"Yes, Jacob," said Miss Heppersell, "It's people like you that help people like me to get jobs like this to get money for supposedly helping people like Robin,"

"Translation: By continually fracturing Robin's psyche I'm keeping you employed?"

"Bingo, baby cakes,"

"Robin didn't look _that_ freaky," said Tanya, bemused. The truth was, he _had_ looked that freaky, but Tanya had just had a class with him, and was willing to let freakiness slide in the face of his skill.

"Give him a few seconds," said Jacob flippantly, "You'll start realizing just how many pop culture references there truly are,"

"And Shakespeare will assail you," said Miss Heppersell, "In much the same way that, upon standing on a battle field, bullets will assail you,"

"English: The only subject he excels at," said Jacob.

"That's a lie and you know it," said Miss Heppersell.

"Yeah, I had drama with him this morning," Tanya's eyes misted over in much the same way that a priests might upon meeting the pope. "He's _astonishing_,"

"Yes, well," said Jacob, brushing that off with a hand, "He's a _movie freak_,"

"He's also good at COMSCI,"

"But he doesn't _take_ COMSCI. Totally destroying the computer network of seven schools from a different country doesn't make you good at a subject if it isn't on your timetable,"

"It's kinda disturbing that you know so much about your friend," said Tanya.

"What can I say? I've been fracturing his puny little sanity since we were, like, three,"

"Saying you've known one another from three would be kinda cute, if it weren't for the whole 'destroying sanity' thing,"

"Well, it's true!"

"It's also disturbingly sadistic," drawled Miss Heppersell.

Tanya smiled at Jacob, who blushed, and looked away.

"Well, Tanya," said Miss Heppersell, drawing her attention away from the poor boy, lest his cheeks bruise from blushes. "As you've probably guessed, Duke Athens High School is probably one of the more warped high schools in this world,"

"Then why do you work here?" asked Tanya.

"For my sweet company," said Jacob, grinning.

"Yes, I love his company," said Miss Heppersell, the sarcasm oozing down the words.

"How often do you end up down here?" asked Tanya, confused.

"Depends," said Jacob, looking at Tanya. Their eyes met, and Jacob noticed the blush across her cheeks. He immediately knew what Robin's reaction would be: _'Dude! You're so in!'_

But back to the present.

"Do you mean for something I did, or for something Robin did?"

"One generally begets the other," sighed Miss Heppersell.

"Hey, is it MY fault the good Doctor Duke can't take a joke? Is it MY fault that he takes umbrage to having 'Center of All Chaos' written across all his documents? Is it MY fault that he doesn't like Shakespeare? I thought he WANTED students to become more interested in historical literature. I mean, really, we were just doing him a service,"

"You're remarkably good at taking the fall for Robin," said Miss Heppersell. Jacob stiffened and flushed.

Jacob looked at Tanya and could see…was that admiration in her eyes?

"Tanya, I hope you can bring some strange sense of order into lives of utter chaos,"

"That's a heckuva job to lay on a newbie. I mean, I thought it was YOUR job to help the poor denizens of our fine school recover from Robin an-I mean, recover from people who would seek to take advantage of them for their gullibility and naivety,"

"So did I, Jacob Oscars. Then I met you,"

"Aw, I'm flattered,"

"Please, Miss Adams, try and make the irredeemable at least…" the two looked at Jacob who grinned again, "…on the curable side of schizophrenia,"

"That's not a nice thing to say about Robin,"

Miss Heppersell gave him a scorching look. Tanya winced. Jacob seemed totally unaffected.

"Please, at least make sure they don't come to my office so much," she said in a pleading voice.

"And here I thought you enjoyed out little moonlit sojourns,"

At this stage…

"_Was ever woman in this humor woo'd?_" came a lilting voice from around the corridor. Jacob's face promptly entered the realms of a 'oh-my-god-I-am-so-totally-going-to-murder-him' look.

"_Was ever woman in the humor won?_

_I'll have her, but I will not keep her long…_"

"That's it," said Jacob, and, with nary a 'by your leave', he ran out of the office. There was a brief glimpse of Robin's wide grin around the corner before Jacob began the chase, Robin laughing as he recited the rest of the soliloquy.

"Are they always like this?" asked Tanya, looking out at the corridor with amused bemusement.

"No," Tanya's head snapped around to look at Miss Heppersell, "Jacob's normally less hysterical but more erratic. He likes you,"

Tanya tried to stifle a blush. She failed horrifically.

At this stage, Robin burst into the room, hiding behind Miss Heppersell's desk. Jacob came in, gasping for breath. The two shared looks before bursting into hysterical laughter. Miss Heppersell caught Tanya's eye, and the two shook their heads.

Robin walked over to lean against the wall next to Jacob while they tried to catch their breath.

"Was it good for you too?" Robin asked with a grin out of the blue.

"ROBIN!" yelled Jacob, and the chase resumed.

Tanya giggled a bit, and walked out, heading to class.

Miss Heppersell might have been hearing things. After all, it was a long morning, and dealing Jacob and Robin only made it more so, but it was still quite conceivable that, as she left, Tanya might have whispered wistfully,

"_Was ever woman in this humor woo'd…?_"


	3. Subtlety? What's that?

**Summary:** A fairy who's a Shakespeare whore. A boy who falls down. A girl who wants to join the circus. Just a normal day at Duke Athens High School…or is it?

**Chapter Three-Subtlety? What's that?**

"And, as you can see, this is the Drama department," declared Jacob.

"Seeing as last spell I had drama here, that's kinda obvious," said Tanya. Jacob blushed fiercely. "What class is in there?"

"The other drama class of our form,"

"When does this spell end, anyway?"

"Well, first spell-that's the spell you just had-goes from quarter to nine to quarter to ten. Then you have form time. That's fifteen minutes. And then spell two goes from ten to eleven. Interval goes from eleven to eleven twenty, third spell ends at twelve twenty, lunch lasts fifty minutes, so school ends at ten past three,"

"So this spell ends in…" Tanya checked her watch, "…fifteen minutes?"

"Something like that. Be careful, watches tend to go off around Robin,"

"Why?" Jacob suddenly felt uncomfortable under those purple eyes.

"Um…Robin's really quick at screwing them up," said Jacob. Why wouldn't she stop staring at him? It was scary. He was slipping up, treating her like she wasn't an _equal_…like she was _human_…

"So, um," Jacob coughed, "Next we have the art department…"

* * *

"_Ah, who shall hinder me to wail and weep?__To chide my fortune and torment myself?_

_I'll join with black despair against my soul,_

_And to become my enemy_,"

"That was very good Hermia," said the teacher lazily, "But this isn't a soap opera. A little subtlety would not go amiss,"

Hermia blushed fiercely. She was petite, her hair a deep red, eyes a sparkling blue. She was very, _very_ pretty.

"Now, Helena, your turn," said the teacher.

Helena, a little self-conscious, coughed a bit, before adopting the lofty and yet somewhat concerned look of her character.

"_What means this scene of rude impatience?_" she asked, hitting the nail on the head.

"_To make an act of tragic violence-_

_Edward, my lord, thy son, our kind is dead-_

_Why grow the branches when the root is gone?_

_Why whither not the leaves that want their sap?_

_If you will live, lament; if die, be brief,_

_That our swift-winged souls may catch the king's;_

_Or, like obedient subjects, follow him_

_To his new kingdom of perpetual rest_,"

"Much better Hermia," smiled the teacher, "And Helena…"

Helena's eyes widened with hope. She was tall, dark-skinned. Her dark hair had bleached blonde streaks through it. She was equally pretty, but something about her manner-she always seemed waiting for a strike-seemed to make her more pitiful than attractive.

"Excellent, Helena. Next play, we'll have to give you a larger part,"

Helena thought she would faint from the praise.

"_She speaks!_" called a voice.

"Oh, no," muttered the teacher, hiding his face in his hands.

"_What light, o'er yonder window breaks?_

_It is the East, and Hermia is the Sun!_"

Now is a good time to inspect the drama department. It was made of two floors: the ground floor and the mezzanine. The ground floor (where Helena, Hermia, the class and the teacher currently work) was a mostly flat floor, with a small rise all around the edge hidden by a dark curtain. Movable multi-level seating lurked in each corner of the square room.

The mezzanine floor was above and connected to the ground floor by two staircases, but also various ropes, ladders and the like. It was from this mezzanine that the voice of Dmitri rang out.

Dmitri elegantly and deftly jumped into empty space, grabbing the rope and sliding down. The waxed rope, sadly, did not give him rope burns, which, Hermia thought savagely, was too bad.

"_Arise, fair Sun, and kill the envious moon!_" Dmitri walked towards Hermia, a loving, slightly idiotic look on his face as he reached out and took her hand. It might have been a trick of the light, but both Hermia and Helena knew better than to believe that the sharp look Dmitri tossed at Helena was anything other than a burst of hatred.

Tears immediately leaked down Helena's face. They were so easy to call to the surface these days; so close to hand. No wonder she was so good at tragic roles. All she had to do was let Dmitri look at her to cry.

She tried to contain her pride, tried to stand straight…and failed, with a sharp, bitter cough of a sob. She turned and fled.

"God, Dmitri!" snapped Hermia, pushing him away from her, "You're such a bastard!"

Dmitri looked after Hermia mournfully as she stormed out of the class.

"Dmitri!" the voice snarled. The teacher bore down on him, eyes furious, "I understand that you have little to do with your study spells so early in the year, but surely you have better things to do than destroy the self-esteem of my actresses!"

Dmitri flushed an angry red. Involuntarily, he glanced to the side, to see Leon, already moving to follow Hermia, give him the dirtiest look ever.

About ten minutes later, Dmitri was finally pushed out the drama department, metaphorical skin whipped off him from the verbal lashing.

_However…_

Onetwothreefour fingers. Fivesixseveneight fingers. And then onetwo sharp eyes poking up from the mezzanine wall. Robin's distinctive gold eyes grinned maliciously.

"Wait till Jacob hears!" he said, and in a different person, it might even be constructed as a giggle, only no giggle ever sounded like _that_. Only Robin could make a giggle sound like a swear word.

And then, so fast it seemed superhuman, Robin rushed out of the department…and was gone.


	4. Rude, Cool, Broken

**Chapter Four: Rude, Cool, Broken**

_BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_!

"_OW_!"

"Yeah, the bell is a bit loud," conceded Jacob as the hordes descended from their classrooms, fleeing from the teachers into the hallowed hall of the Canteen, and there were teachers at the end of the throng, fleeing from the students, to the hallowed hall of the Staff Room and their wonderful, beautiful, very black Tea.

"Yeah, my ears are kinda sensitive too," grumbled Tanya, rubbing her ears. A couple of the knots fell loose just enough for Jacob to see her ears. Their eyes met, and then both looked the other way, as if they had broken some great taboo.

"And here," said Jacob, clearing his throat, "Is the English department,"

The English department, composed almost solely of five rooms built from lost papers, books and library return slips that were 'forgotten'.

"This is Robin's hideout when he doesn't want to get caught," said Jacob, eyes misting over happily at memories of past mischief.

"Why?" asked Tanya, "Surely if he doesn't want to get caught he'd flee somewhere where he won't be trapped?"

"You're missing the point," said Jacob with a grin, "He doesn't run _from_ teachers; he runs _to_ teachers. He's the pet of the department. Anyone who wants to get at him will have to deal with a large group of very angry middle-aged female teachers who have been interrupted from their Morris Gee,"

"Morris Gee?"

"Robin loathes him, so there is inevitably a new chapter in the ongoing debate of Robin vs. Mrs. Craig-Parker on the subject of how shit the latest book/short story/whatever the goddamn hell Robin is studying in class is,"

Tanya laughed at this. Jacob loved how all he had to do was talk about various incidents in the school's history (i.e. his and Robin's history) to make her laugh. It was a sweet laugh, too, like thyme, or forest grass, or snakes (Jacob _loved_ snakes). Jacob could listen to that laugh all day.

However, fate had other plans.

"Hey, Jacob! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

_CRASH!_

A boy came running in to talk to them, but he failed to notice the 'wet floor' sign and managed to successfully SLAM into the floor. Tanya and Jacob winced, but the boys amazing powers of I Am Such A Bloody Idiot prevented him from any harm. He started to rise to his feet, and the astounding lack of enthusiasm on Jacob's part did _nothing_ to deter him.

"Heyyyy, Benjy," said Jacob, voice almost a perfect deadpan. Tanya looked at him curiously. It seemed so strange for Jacob, who was eerily witty and charming, to be able to look so totally blank.

"That fall was _awesome_, wasn't it Jacob? Reckon we could fit it in somehow? I mean, the play's funny all right, but we have to add some slapstick and…" Tanya could suddenly realize the lack of enthusiasm, as somewhere in his soliloquy on how useful slapstick could be, Tanya found herself hearing, not what would otherwise be quite an interesting lecture, but a series of 'blah blah blah', sometimes punctuated by 'yackety yackety', and occasionally, but not often, the slight 'woo woo'.

"…And I think that it's really fascinating, and who's the new girl?"

It took both Jacob and Tanya a second to realize that the monologue was over, another second to realize they were being asked a question, and half a second to realize what the question was. Fortunately, while it would have taken Tanya half a second to be able to answer as she batted the sleep out of her eyes, it took Jacob but a moment to step between the two, blabbering.

"Oh, uh, she's, ah, no one, family friend from out of town, won't be here long, no point you talking to her, doesn't talk much anyway, okay, Benjy, bye!"

And thus did Jacob frog march Tanya away.

When they were out of earshot, Tanya, in a mild yet somewhat irritated fashion, asked,

" 'No one'? 'Doesn't talk much'?"

"Well…you don't. Admittedly, I'm being very rude and taking up the conversation so that you can't get a word in edgeways, but still,"

Tanya shook her head, a half-smile on her face.

"So, who was that?"

"That? That was Ben Thomas, although among a select group of people he is more commonly referred to as Arse,"

"As _what_?"

"Arse,"

"O…kay. Well, aside from the kinda weird thought of knowing a guy called Arse, why did you get me away so quickly?"

"Because I just did you a favor," Tanya looked at Jacob skeptically, "Tanya, honey, baby…"

"Honey? Baby?"

"Honey, baby…I'm trying to be all noble over here don't ruin it for me…"

"And I'm trying to be all feminist over here, don't ruin it for me. Honey? Baby?"

"Allow me some room for cliché,"

"Uh…no?"

"Please?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No. And answer the question,"

Jacob sighed.

"Alas! She resists my charm!"

"Answer the question, Jacob," said Tanya with a roll of the eyes.

"Tanya, if you had stayed with Benjy for too long, you'd have been roped in,"

"To what?"

There was an ominous pause.

"Into the school play,"

"Well, I don't see what's wrong with…"

"The _school play_,"

"But a play is just a…"

"The**_. School. Play_**,"

Tanya looked at him blankly.

"I thought plays were meant to be fun,"

"Hey, keep it down, keep it down!" said Jacob, making hurried motions with his hands, "Trust me, you don't want to be roped in!"

"Why not?" asked Tanya, confused, "At my old school, it was practically compulsory,"

"Well, here it isn't and if you do you'll become…"

There was another ominous pause, somewhat ruined by Tanya's long-suffering sigh.

"…A Rude Mechanical,"

Tanya looked at him, blankness once again waging war against an expressive face and winning.

"What do you…?" and then Jacob looked at Tanya and her heart broke, because there was so much in those eyes. So much hurt and regret and pain and self-hatred and humiliation in those eyes that Tanya couldn't breathe, an iron hand clutching her heart and squeezing so tightly that speaking was beyond her, that _breathing_ was beyond her, that living for a second more would destroy her, and suddenly Tanya wanted to do anything, absolutely anything to stop that horrible, heart-breaking look in those eyes, to give him back his maddening mischief, to give him back his world composed almost solely of him and his friend, the world a gray place with which to weave their lives, and she wished she had never tried to enter, because that gray place was claiming him as he tried to reach out for her, and he reached out for her as if she were a dream, briefly brushing long fingers against her clothes, taking the slightest step forward so that she could feel his warmth and being against her cheeks (he was so tall) and in her mind's eyes and body she could _feel_ the warmth draining from him…

"Listen, Tanya, because it's only for today that you're going to be mine. Because you're going to be one of the 'cool group' or whatever they call it. And when you are, what am I going to do with my…" he took a deep breath, and a gulp, "I wish you weren't, and part of me wishes that you wished you weren't, but that is the way the world and the school work and there's no way I can survive like…" he took another deep breath, another gulp, eyes still broken, "No way you can stay out of them…Tanya, even the GEEKS don't talk to the Rude Mechanicals. The only reason I do is because Robin needs them for some grand mischief he's going to play. Just…just trust me, Tanya, don't get involved,"

"But…"

"But nothing, you can't talk to…"

"But what if I don't want to be part of the cool group?"

Jacob's eyes unbroke, came away from the gray, came back into the world, looking at her physical being, not at what she was or would become.

"…What if I want to be with you and Robin…?"

Two sets of eyes, one deep purple, the one startling, shattering blue stared into one another.

"Us beyond humans have to stick together, don't we?" whispered Tanya, a small crack in her voice, but they both knew that beyond _what they were_ she would have stayed with them, for all the world she would have stayed with them, even giving up _what she was_ to stay with them.

Jacob took another step forward. He brushed a hand against her cheek and then leaned, and Tanya stretched, and their lips brushed slightly, softly, wantingly against one another and then…

_BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_!

The two leapt away, and Jacob looked helplessly at Tanya…so much to do, so much to say, and where could they, what could they, how could they…?

And then Tanya grabbed him by the shirt and _yanked_ him towards her and kissed him full and hard on the mouth.

They stayed like that, against one another, unnoticed by the Horde for longer than they could think or feel. They just stayed there, locked against themselves, key and lock and chain and…

"Tanya! Jacob!"

The two leapt apart again.

"I've got something to show you!" yelled Robin, and grabbed the two by the arms. Tanya and Jacob shared another helpless look, because there was so much left to do…

But they had so much time to do it in.


	5. Are you my muvver?

**Note: **The latter part of this-from Jacob's arrival onwards-is word for word what happened in my movie script..Just thought you might like to know. Next chapter will be up soon, once I get over the giggling fit Robin and Jacob's dialogue gives me.**  
**

**Chapter Five: Are You My Muvver?**

The wind was strong as all hell, yanking Helena's hair and clothes every which-way. Which was fortunate, as it's very difficult to hear footsteps from outside when you're inside and when the wind is trying desperately to destroy the entire school. _Why_ it is trying to do so is up for debate; perhaps it hates it as much as the students.

The Principal's office was on the second story, just above where the seventh form common room had been, once upon a time. Helena still didn't understand how the seventh forms hadn't all been caught by the principal, especially since Robin had claimed, very loudly in front of the principal, and the better half of the school, that his father had gone to Duke Athens, and he was just continuing the family tradition of pissing the teachers off by setting off minor bombs in every class, thus destroying either a desk, a chair, or an entire pile of paperwork. While the English department had laughed like all hell and thanked him for ridding them of unnecessary paperwork, most of the teachers seemed determined to damn him (Mrs. Craig-Parker refused to let this happen-he had been in her form class at the time, and _nobody_ fucked with Mrs. Craig-Parker's students). Really, it was a wonder that the whole Peters clan wasn't in prison for petty charges (or major ones-she didn't want to think of the kind of pranks Mr. Peters played).

But that was irrelevant, other than to note that seeing through the Principal's office would be a little more difficult than just keeping out of the way. Instead, Helena thanked the Drama department for the ropes and ladders, and clambered up a nearby tree. She still wasn't close enough, so, holding her arms out for balance, she walked along a branch leaning towards the office until she was a little bit above and to the left of it. Then she hung off the branch and edged a toe onto a small ledge around the wall. Carefully, she transferred her balance from her arms onto her feet on the ledge. She clung to the wall, then edged towards the Principal's office, staying very carefully balanced and using the window ledge for balance as she leaned in to have a look…

"Boo!"

"Aah!"

Helena nearly lost her balance as the voice made her jump. One leg skidded off the ledge, leaving a gigantic scrape down the back of it. She looked about to topple when a surprisingly strong arm grabbed her around the waist and tugged her back to the ledge. Pinned onto the wall and gasping out of fear, she found that the arm was still there, rested gently, not clinging. She turned to see Robin's eyes. They didn't look the strange shade of brown they normally seemed…they looked gold.

"Look now," he said, clearly shaken by how close she'd nearly come to falling. Helena carefully looked into the Principal's office now, with Robin's arm keeping her balance from straying. "What's happening? Why are you trying to sneak a glance?"

Helena looked back at him. It was odd; normally Robin seemed to know everything about the school. Seeing the question in her eyes, he shrugged.

"My radar's a bit blank on you and Hermia. I try to keep you guys away from my pranks, so I've no clue what's happening,"

"Are Leon and Dmitri off your radar, too?"

"Huh?"

Robin carefully edged so that he could see around her.

"You'll fall," said Helena, clearly afraid.

"No I won't," said Robin absently. "What the hell are they doing in there? Who's the old fogey?" catching Helena's glance, "The one that isn't the Principal,"

Helena peered in.

"Looks like Hermia's father, Igeus,"

"Igeus? That name rings bells,"

"_Big_ stockbroker. Some kind of scandal happened a couple of months back, though. He separated with his wife. The only reason Hermia's living with him is because she wants to be with Leon'n me,"

"Ah, I remember dad telling me about that,"

Helena looked at Robin again, and caught the slightest twitch of a smirk.

"Your dad had something to do with it?" she asked, astounded. Robin gave her an innocent look.

"A Peters? Involved in something like that?"

"I'll take it as a 'yes',"

"Helena, how many conversations have we had over the last…" Robin thought for a second, "…Three years or so?"

"Mostly ones to do with English charts,"

"Thank God Mrs. Craig-Parker never bothered to mark them,"

"Not after you blew them up, anyway. Didn't you have a backup?"

"Good thing she never asked for them, then, isn't it? But back to the point, we've had so few conversations, and already you have such an astonishing lack of trust in me. I must be doing _something_ right,"

"It's not that I don't trust you," said Helena dryly, "It's that I don't trust you to do things _normally_,"

"Implying what?"

"The whole school trusts you, Robin. We trust you to Robin,"

"I'm touched,"

"Why do you think the English department has given up admonishing you?"

"Wow, such a long word in a conversation. I'm impressed,"

"_Robin_,"

Robin laughed. In another person, this might seem almost as if the two were flirting. As it was, the two were too interested in what was happening.

"Oooh, that looks bad," said Robin. Helena looked in, and hissed in sympathy.

"Oooooh, he's pissed Hermia off some," said Helena with a wince. A thought occurred to her, "Hey, haven't you done this kind of thing before? Why can't we hear what they're saying?"

Robin grinned.

"Come on, Helena, you think I always work alone? Give us some credit,"

" 'Us'?"

"Jacob and me. Actually, these days it looks more like Jacob, Tanya and me,"

"Tanya? I think I've seen her around,"

"It's only third spell. A lot more could happen. Don't you have English?"

"Don't you?"

"Touché. Guess who my teacher is,"

"Mrs. Craig-Parker,"

"They drew straws to get me this year. I believe Mrs. Craig-Parker said something to the general effect of, 'Fuck that, _I_ get Robin this year,' and that was the end of that,"

"They just rolled over like that?"

"Well, the ensuing argument wasn't much fun, but that comment alone made me grin,"

"O…kay,"

"Whoa, that's some smugness on Dmitri's face. Asshole. I'll get him someday,"

"Only 'someday'?" said a voice. Helena jumped again, but this time Robin shifted his balance in time and was able to keep her from falling.

"Don't scare her, Tanya," said Robin absently, "Besides, weren't you and Jacob meant to be listening?"

"We got…distracted. I decided I'd better come over here and help out,"

"How'd you get up here?" asked Helena, pointing at the tree, "I would have noticed if you'd come up the tree!"

Tanya and Robin exchanged shrugs.

"I'll go to the other side to watch," said Tanya. She managed to inch along past Helena and Robin to the other side. Helena for a brief moment saw her eyes, no longer dark blue, now cat-purple. And…she smelled odd. She reminded Helena of trees and hot metal.

"Hold on, Helena," said Robin. He was now standing behind her, holding her tightly, "I'm going to sneak under the window, so that means some clever juggling here. And it means you have to trust me to be something other than me,"

Helena looked up at Robin and…something about the way he looked at her, the way the wind blew some of his knots into his face reminded Helena of something, but she couldn't figure out what. Without thinking, Helena brushed some hair out of those eyes. It was like a spell came over her. She split into two. The part of her that loved Dmitri-that was the majority of her-was screaming 'What the fuck are you doing!' But the rest of her was entranced by those gold eyes and was leaning closer.

"Robin," said a warning voice. He took his eyes away from hers. He took a soft breath, and it seemed like the wind breathed with him. Gently he moved past her, keeping a grip on her and then letting go as he slid under the windowsill. Helena took a few breaths to steady herself. She felt as if some spell had been cast over her, and now that it was gone, she felt dizzy. When she felt she had a hold on her balance, she leaned over to peer into the window.

She was so focused on what was happening inside that she didn't hear Robin and Tanya speaking. Or maybe she wouldn't have anyway, but later, a part of her would remember, and be confused.

_"What was that Robin?"_

_"…"_

"_You're a mischief-maker. That's not what you're about,"_

"…"

"_That's not what anybody is about Robin. I don't know what kind of history you and Helena have…"_

"_Why don't you ask Jacob?" there was such a nasty sneer to the tone that when Helena remembered, she would search for some way to explain away Robin saying something like that about his best friend._

"_It goes against Fae law to rebel against your fate…"_

"_You mean I'm destined to walk alone? Jacob gets to love and I don't? How unfair is that?"_

"…_And how fair is it that Helena isn't given a choice?"_

_Quietly._

"_She was. Then it was taken from her,"_

_And Robin would say nothing more on it._

"Boo," said a deadpan voice. Helena jumped again, but, once again, Robin dragged her back up, although he seemed…very blank.

"Keep it down, sweetheart, with Mr. I-should-be-listening-but-I'm-a-lazy-bugger-who'd-rather-get-it-on-with-Tanya-than-actually-do-something-constructive around, we might get to hear what's happening,"

"Don't break the girl's heart, Robin," said Tanya warningly.

"Since when were _you_ my mother?" asked Jacob dryly.

"Are you my muvver?" said Robin in an utterly adorable voice. Both Tanya and Helena giggled as Robin grinned.

"What can I say, Jakesy. I got the gift,"

"Don't call me that,"

Jacob very, very, very carefully managed to somehow lever the window just a tad open, just enough that they could hear what was happening inside…

"Oh, nice to see Dmitri in trouble," said Robin.

"God, I hate Dmitri," added Jacob, a sour look on his handsome face.

"Why? What's he done to you?" asked Helena.

"He's done something to you. Can't I take an interest in other people's lives occasionally?"

"Especially when they're pretty?"

"Robin, what did I just say?"

Helena giggled a little nervously.

"We were all thinking it Tanya," said Robin, just as absently. He seemed to be fiddling with something on the inside on the window. "I was just saying it,"

"Liar," said Jacob. They were all talking in hushed voices, covered easily by the wind, "We all know you beat me to it,"

Helena blushed. It looked painful.

"Quiet, guys," said Tanya.

"Yeah," added Helena, "I wanna hear this,"

"Dmitri looks upset," noted Tanya.

"Good news for us," said Robin.

"What are you planning to do to him?" asked Helena, eyes wide.

"I? Do something to someone?"

"Robin, I have been here barely a day, and, collectively, I've only spent something kinda close to an hour around you, and _I_ know you're lying,"

"Tanya," said Jacob in a long suffering voice, "There are blind…"

"…Deaf…" added Helena.

"…Mute…"

"…Monks…"

"…On Mars…"

"…Who know that Robin is lying," finished Helena.

"Yeah," said Robin with a grin, "And we all know that Jacob is glad Tanya is blind and deaf…"

"Oy!"


	6. Of Lockers and Pranks Therein

**Note:** Although this is probably the shortest, it is also my favorite chapter thus far. I also had a bit of difficulty with it. I kept getting overcome with giggles during the Robin/Jacob dialogue. Last chapter was also quite difficult, and actually ended on a much less optimistic note (at least, with concerns to Robin and his relationships with the others). Next chapter coming up reeeeeeaaaaal soon.

Oh, and Mrs. Craig-Parker (who has been mentioned before) is a character from a different story. And yes, she is a kick-ass teacher. And no, she didn't have Robin in her class in the other story (what with it being set before she got married and all...).

**Chapter Six: Of Lockers and Pranks Therein**  


"_**WHAT!"**_

Leon, Dmitri and Hermia spoke with one voice (for once), all wearing identical expressions of absolute unending horror.

Meanwhile, the Principal, the Good Doctor-Duke (as he was known to by Jacob, Robin and anybody associated with them for any long period of time) was rubbing the bridge of his nose, looking tired and careworn.

"The only people," he began, "Who have been to Miss Heppersell's office more than you two are Jacob and Robin. The only reason they have not been kicked out are for two reasons: One, their crimes, while somewhat malicious, have never outright harmed another student…"

"What about Phil Strateo?"

"The PTA was willing to let that slide in the face of creativity and skill," the four, Hermia, Leon, Dmitri and Igeus, looked at him in astonishment. "I believe their reasoning was that anyone able to put a beehive in someone's locker without anyone noticing should be left alone. The second reason was that the English department have, on more than one occasion, threatened to resign should I toss Robin out. Mrs. Craig-Parker was very…insistent…on it. The fact that they only share two classes helps,"

"But they've done so much worse!" said Dmitri.

"Whatever Robin may have done-and believe me, I'd _love_ to punish him-they've all been despicably innocent,"

"A _beehive_ in someone's _locker_?"

"From what I have been told the bees were…er…drugged. They did not so much _sting_ Phil Strateo as they did scare the hell out of him. Besides, it was Phil Strateo. Do you really _care_?"

The students and parent were forced to concede this point. In fact, if they had looked outside, they would have seen Jacob attempting to throttle Robin while Helena half-heartedly tried to stop him and Tanya weighed up the merits of helping.

"In any case," said Doctor Duke again, "Neither of them have ever hindered a students ability to learn,"

* * *

"Not yet," said Robin, massaging his throat. 

"And not for lack of trying," added Jacob.

"Are you guys talking Dmitri-specific?" asked Tanya.

"More like whole group specific," smirked Robin. Helena gave him a look, "Hey, hey, hey, not touching you girls, okay? Not. Touching. You. Girls. I just don't care for Leon, is all,"

"Why?" said Tanya, craning her neck to get a better view.

"He kicked me in the hallway. And he's a sore loser,"

"Robin, that was years ago!" said Jacob.

"What happened?" asked Tanya.

"Leon locked Robin in a locker," said Helena, mouth twisted with disdain. Whether it was for Leon's actions or Robin was up for debate, but Robin did give as sheepish a grin as was possible in the circumstances. That is, to say, impossible. "So Robin took out all the contents of Leon's locker and put it into other people's lockers and teacher's desks. After taking Leon's locker apart. And spray-painting it pink,"

"And I shifted all his computer files to the mains so that they got deleted," Robin added absently, "And I put porn on his account," off the looks that they gave him, "What? _I_ didn't look at the porn!"

"Whatever," said Jacob, "I just won't mention all that stuff your mom found under your bed…"

"_JACOB!_"

"Quiet it down, guys!"

* * *

"You're going to _expel_ us?" said Leon, blue eyes wide in a face whiter than snow. 

"If you don't find a way to keep yourselves from injuring one another, it looks that way," said Doctor Duke, looking exasperated.

"I can think of a solution to the problem," said Igeus smoothly. Leon's upper lip twitched unconsciously into a sneer.

"Please, Igeus," said Doctor Duke, "I am all ears,"

"There was no trouble between Dmitri and Leon when Hermia was not in love," Hermia's head snapped round to face him, "Ever since Leon began…wooing…Hermia, not only has _she_ become disobedient, but Dmitri (a fine young man, she'd do well to like him) has ended up on the receiving end of many a blow,"

Dmitri looked as if he wanted to correct him, but decided against it. Tears began to shine in Hermia's eyes.

"But daddy," she said, eyes wide, "That means Dmitri…"

"Perhaps that will solve the solution better than anything," sighed Doctor Duke, "Although it's not ideal,"

"Dmitri will…"

"What are your terms then, sir?"

"Daddy, please!" begged Hermia, tears streaming down her face. Doctor Duke looked somewhat alarmed by this, but realized that he had to do what he had to do. It was not a happy look that crossed his face.

"If," said Doctor Duke, drawing a huge breath, "By Friday, you three have come to an agreement, come to a…ceasefire…then Dmitri, Leon and Hermia will remain. If not, Leon will be expelled, Dmitri stood down and Hermia…"

There was a long pause, and the sadness in Doctor Duke's eyes did nothing to ease Hermia's anger.

"Mr. Igeus, I would advise you to send your daughter to an all-girl school,"

Hermia made a violent motion towards the Doctor Duke, but, in perfect unison, Leon and Dmitri grabbed her arms to tug her back.

"Daddy," she said, turning her face to her father, "Please don't do this!"

"It's for your own good," said Igeus, as calmly as he could.

"_My_ own good? Or _your_ peace of mind?" she half-screamed, face red, tears dripping off her face, before she turned and _slammed_ out of the room.

There was a long pause.

"You are excused," said Doctor Duke, and the three men nodded and left, Leon vibrating with outrage. The instant they were out of the office, an unseen figure behind Doctor Duke said in soft, quiet tones, unheard by any other than the Doctor Duke:

"Well, you sure fucked that up, good and proper. Now, go give an assembly and be a good boy. And as you do, you'd better think one thing, Thadeus: What will this do to your students?"


	7. Gotta Love Those Circuses

**Note:** I have a confession to make. This chapter took a long, long, _long_ time, simply because I hate writing the mortal dialogue. The next chapter gets less mortal dialogue, but a lot of Fae bitching. Well. If bitching at yourself counts. However, as, so far, I am the only who knows exactly what the deal is, I think I'm allowed a bit of leeway in saying that I think it's justified.

Last chapter took so long…I kept giggling over Robin's defense against the Leon incident.

**Chapter Seven: Gotta Love Those Circuses.**

"And then I welded it into the shape of a heart," said Robin.

"Harsh," Tanya shook her head.

"I know," Robin looked solemn, "It was a thing of a beauty,"

There was a pause.

"I dyed all his P.E. gear, too,"

Tanya hissed in sympathy. However, at that point a door crashed open, and there was the sound of Hermia crying. Tanya, Jacob and Robin suddenly jumped off the wall.

"Guys…guys!" yelled Helena, turning to make sure they were okay. However, all three of them were gone, as if they had never been there.

"Oh, Hermia!" said a voice. Helena froze, every muscle locking up. It was Dmitri, and he was speaking to Hermia as if she were being an overdramatic child. "You know it's useless, my lovely. Your father all but engaged you to me,"

Helena didn't need eyes to see how the furious look on Hermia's face.

"_Shut up!_ I don't want anything to do with you, not after what you did to Helena!"

Oh, sure, thought Helena, bring me into it, why don't you.

"And what did I do to Helena?" asked Dmitri in a soft, innocent, nay, angelic voice.

Helena thought her heart would break.

"You broke her heart! Just because you could! Did you ever love her? _Ever?_"

"What does _she_ matter? It's you I love now! Why, your face…"

"This isn't _Shakespeare_ you son of a bitch! Get out! Never come back! _I hate you! I wish I'd never met you!_"

Helena could practically see the sharp, set look on Dmitri's face as he looked at Hermia. There were footsteps. He walked just beneath Helena. She pressed herself up against a wall quickly.

Please don't see me, she thought, please!

Dmitri lifted his head to the sky, eyes closed.

"Shit," he whispered. He looked at the floor and scuffed a foot across it, before leaving.

Helena breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm going to work on the faith that you just overheard everything that happened," said a mild voice from the window. Helena, pressed hard against the wall, managed to not jump. There was no Robin here to catch her if she did.

"Er…hi, Miss Heppersell,"

"Unless," the woman continued, "You _enjoy_ standing on high ledges out in the freezing wind,"

"Er…winter sport, miss?"

That made the counselor laugh. There was a pause.

"Don't worry about your friends, Helena," she said, "I'll talk to my fiancé,"

"Oh, yeah," said Helena, "Doctor Duke proposed to you five months ago, didn't he? Why aren't you married?"

"We keep getting sidetracked by Robin and Jacob,"

"Er…I'm sorry that happens,"

"It's okay," smiled the teacher, "I've got a soft spot for them. But I _will_ see to it that this idiotic sexist foolishness stops, one way or another,"

She paused.

"Before you get to the floor, could I ask a favor?"

"Um, sure, if you don't tell the principal I did this," said Helena, who was already thinking longingly of a bench out of the wind.

"Speak to Robin for me. Explain what's happening. Ask him to see what he can do,"

"Why not Jacob?" asked Helena, "I thought Robin followed his orders,"

"Quite possibly, but if you're trying to get your parents to help you with something, always best to go with the most receptive one first, no?"

"Er…if you say so, miss,"

Helena started edging to the tree, but she heard a crunch and turned. The window was now open-enough that Helena could climb through, and Miss Heppersell was holding out a hand. Helena took the hand, and, somehow, they managed to slip into the office.

"Like I said, I'll speak to Thadeus…"

"Thadeus?"

"Come on, you didn't think his first name was 'Doctor', did you?"

Helena blushed.

"I'll speak to Thadeus. Think about it, though. Robin knows all kinds of tricks I don't. Who knows what he could do if asked,"

"I'll give it a try, miss,"

"In any case, your friends need you,"

Miss Heppersell watched with a slight smile as Helena left. Her shoulders then collapsed in. She covered her face with one hand.

"Thadeus…" she whispered, "What have you done…?" she thought back to what she'd heard out on the ledge. "What have I done…?"

"Hermia?" said a soft voice. She turned, tear stained face looking out from Leon's embrace. Helena looked around the door, eyes sad. "Oh, Hermia,"

The crying girl reached out mute hands to Helena, who took them. Leon slid away and Helena brought Hermia into a hard, sisterly embrace.

"They're going to send me to an all-girl school," she said in a fragile, trembling voice, "And the only way I can get out is by…is by…" Hermia began to hiccup as she fought back sobs, lest her speech become completely unintelligible.

"Igeus all but said he'd rather Hermia were with Dmitri than I," muttered Leon.

Actually, thought Helena, I was under the impression he _did_ say he'd rather she liked Dmitri.

"I know it!" said Hermia, a half-shriek of sadness, "I just know it! I'm going to be sent…a-a-a-away from here, unless I get the…g-g-guts to go out with…that _bastard_…"

"Hermia, Hermia, Hermia," breathed Helena into her hair, holding her close.

"I don't think I could stand being away from you, Helena, away from you and Leon and Mr. Maurice and Ms. Cooper and Mrs. Craig-Parker and Ellie and Jen and all the others…but most especially you and Leon. I think I'd die…"

"Hermia, I…" said Leon, but paused. Not now, he thought. Not just yet.

"It seems like no matter what I do, that bastard is always waiting for me!" said Hermia clutching at Helena as if she were the last thing on the earth.

"I know Herm," said Helena, "Believe me, I know," she sighed, "Better me than you. How's this for an idea: join the circus! Our drama would be welcome there," Hermia ignored the attempt at self-deprecating humor.

"Isn't there some way…" Hermia searched for words, pulling away from Helena, but still with their gazes locked on one another, "…some way to make life better? For us? For you? To make Dmitri halfway decent…"

"Instead of the halfway second-rate arsehole he is now?"

"Leon!" said Helena, although it was a half-hearted chastisement. "He used to be halfway decent,"

"And then he became a bastard,"

Helena opened her mouth to argue…and closed it again. They were right.

"I wish he hadn't. I wish he were still mine," said Helena. The girls leaned against one another, offering support as the other one caught them. They'd done it their whole lives, catching and holding, supporting and falling, each time ending up holding one another until they could stand again.

"So do I, Helena," said Hermia, "So do I,"


	8. Giraffes!

**Note:** Do _not_ ask me where the eyelashes thing came from. I think I was rubbing some gunk out of my eyelashes and wondered the same thing. Since I forgot the original Robin-answer, I made up a new, totally nonsensical one. No, Robin is not gay. At least, not the best of my knowledge.

Finally, until this story this chapter never existed. However, the next chapter requires that this has happened in order to allow for a day so that the rest of the craziness can occur. Fear not, in Chapter Eleven all will be explained. Man, I'm spending a lot of time at the school…

**Chapter Eight: Giraffes!**

"Robin, we have a question,"

"Mm-hmmm?" he said, looking up from a book.

"Feet off the table, Peters!" snapped Mrs. Craig-Parkers.

"She wants me," said Robin as he obeyed her. She was the only teacher in the whole school he listened to, and she'd loved him the moment he met her.

Or so he claimed.

"Whatever," said the lead one girl. Her name was Ellie. "Robin, why is it that guys have longer eyelashes than girls?"

Robin blinked at them.

"You interrupted my book to ask me that?"

"Yes,"

"Well, you see, it's because, while girls are descended from the lovely Eve, guys are descended from a mixture of giraffes and cockroaches, thus making them lovable and the most irritating, disgusting things on the planet,"

Pause.

"That wasn't really what we were expecting,"

"Oh? You mean you wanted me to flirt with you? You could have just _said_," the girls giggled and sat on the tables next to him.

Robin proceeded to flirt madly with them. It was something he was good at, and the girls seemed to appreciate it. Ah, yes, to spend a study spell in another English class with cute girls to flirt with, thought Robin, with a carefully hidden smirk. The Somebody Up There (religion? What's that?) obviously was in a good mood with him this…

Robin checked a watch. Huh. Nearly last spell. Who knew that days could fly so fast when you spent most of them outside class?

"Robin?" said a quiet voice.

Oh, yes. It was getting too good to be true, and now it was looking to get worse very, very quickly.

"Uh, hi, Helena," said Robin. Damnit, damnit, damnit…don't do this to me, please! He begged the Somebody Up There, you _know_ that I can't deal with Helena! Not today! Not after what happened!

It suddenly occurred to Robin that maybe that was what she was here _about_, the random thing this morning.

Man, mom's gonna kill me for using Glamour on a mortal in that way, he thought.

"Robin, can I speak to you? Alone?"

"Um, sure. Sorry girls, duty…of some kind…calls,"

The girls all sighed but went back to their respective tasks. Robin followed Helena outside the classroom. He stuck the book (a series of essays on Shakespeare) into the mysterious mists of his trenchcoat.

Okay, Robin, do _not_ get your hopes up, said the voice in the back of his head, she _totally_ does _not_ want you, we have been _over_ this, not after the incident, so keep your thoughts _out_ of the gutter and stop _staring_ at her like you _have been_ this past _minute…_

Robin's inner conscience-or whatever passed for it-_loved_ italics.

It _was_ difficult to take his eyes away from Helena, simply because she radiated hope.

"So, er, what did you want me for?"

"Mischief,"

For the first time in his life Robin was disappointed. Mischief he could do, alright, but there were things…

"Any particular kind of mischief?" said Robin, trying to become his normal upbeat self and failing horrifically.

"Dmitri," Robin's hopes rose.

"You have made my day, Helena! What precisely do you want me to do?"

"You heard the conditions of the ceasefire between Leon and Dmitri, right?"

"Uh-huh,"

"You need to help us meet them. Miss Heppersell says she can help…"

"She wants me,"

Pause.

"Right. Whatever. But we really need your help on this, Robin, I don't know how to deal with this, please!"

Robin looked at the hope in her eyes, and it occurred to him that if she had asked he probably would have cut his hand off. With a rusty saw. Coated in acid.

"I'll do it," Robin sighed, "Or, at least, I'll find some way to do it. Give me a day to think it over and get some help,"

"Okay. Thanks, Robin," Helena flung her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Then with a smile she ran off.

Robin took a few steps. A few more. And then finally collapsed against his locker, and began to lightly beat his head against it.

"You really, really hate me today, don't you?" he muttered to the Somebody Up There.

It took about ten minutes, but soon he was under enough control that he was able to grab his books and go to Maths with no one aware of the fact that he'd spent ten minutes, not causing mischief, but trying to get over a sudden burst of teenage angst.

Damn it…


	9. Giant Carnivorous Plants

**Note:** I love naming my chapters. They're always totally nonsensical, and never have any real bearing on the plot. 

For a very long time this chapter was never going to occur. Tanya, Jacob and Robin were simply meant to overhear the conversations between Hermia, Lysander, Dmitri & Helena and make their decision based on that. I decided to give them a more innocent reason-explained next chapter-have Helena persuade Robin and THEN all the stuff happen. This is solely to put in this chapter, and also because I wanted to add more levels of confusion to what will eventually be explained…probably Chapter Eleven.

I love this chapter. We get to build on Robin's past. I love Robin's past. It's _so_ not keeping with the original canon. Robin's becoming an angsty teenager, and I can't help but find it incredibly amusing. Don't worry, he'll be back to his usual pranks next chapter...promise!

**Chapter Nine: Giant Carnivorous Plants**

_Later that day… _

_At the Peters Household…_

"Sweetie? Robin? Are you still up?"

"Huh? Oh, I guess, yeah,"

Robin's mother, a tall woman with long, dark (knotty) hair and sharp green eyes came in.

"I saw your light on from downstairs. I'm going to assume from the lack of explosions that you're not planning mischief,"

"Huh?"

Robin's mother looked at her son with a smile, but was still concerned. Her son sat cross-legged on his bed, leaning back on his arms, staring at the ceiling. He looked so tired

"Oh, darling, what's wrong?" she said, sitting down next to him. Robin looked at her, his gold eyes dark and red from crying.

"I wasn't crying…" he tried to defend himself, but she gave the smile all mother's possess, the one that breaks down every boundary you had and some you didn't know so that you can finally go through some form of catharsis. Robin didn't cry. He'd already gone too far to keep crying.

His mother sat on his bed, and he lay down, resting his head on her lap like he had when he had been a kid. She reached into a voluminous mother pocket and took out a very long, very worn and rather useless-looking comb. Just as she had when he'd been a kid, she dragged a comb through his knots, watching his hair smooth out and then spring back into madness. She smiled a little at the memories, hair smooth then knotty.

"Oh, sweetie. What happened?"

"Just…something at school," said Robin, staring blankly out from his mother's lap.

"Well, you certainly got some mischief done. The Principal-or the Good Doctor-Duke as you and Jacob refer to him-came down to see me in person at lunchtime. He was…quite irritated. I wasn't too happy, either,"

"What did he interrupt you doing?" asked Robin, a slight smile on his face.

"Feeding the carnivorous plants. The Venus Fly Traps are getting somewhat irritated now that demons have given up on trying to enter our house. They keep going on about how there's no point being larger than the first story if nothing big enough to eat comes. The pitcher plants were in agreement, and kept asking me to toss him out of the third story," his mother sighed. "Tempting as it was, I didn't think it would solve the immediate problem,"

Robin muttered something nasty under his breath.

"Did you get into another argument with Jacob?" asked his mother in the irritatingly serene way of mothers everywhere. At least she was actually his mother. It had been all together too concerning when Ms. Anglera, head of the English department, started trying to mother him after he had a, er, disagreement with one of the students.

Damn that Phil Strateo. He just didn't get the point.

"Kind of," said Robin.

"Hmm," was the only thing his mother said. Robin sighed.

"It was Helena again,"

"Oh darling," his mother murmured, pausing in her combing to gently touch his cheek. If she noticed the sandpaper-dryness of it from crying, she made no comment. "I am sorry,"

"It's just not fair," said Robin quietly. Then, loudly, "It's just not fair!" he sat bolt upright, startling his mother only momentarily. "I-I-I…I thought I had something, I thought things were going to be okay, that maybe I might-might-might…and then…and then…_it's just not fair!"_

"Oh, sweetheart," said his mother kissing his forehead, "My little songbird. You have all of eternity,"

"But she doesn't," he said, "And if the girl I-I-I think-or I thought-or _something_, if the girl I want to be with is mortal and-and-and if she-she-she _won't_ have eternity then it's all for nothing. I thought I could give it up, you know!" the tears were back. It felt like his cheeks were being scraped off, but Robin couldn't stop, "I thought, maybe the Somebody, maybe, maybe my fate _isn't_ so alone! Maybe-maybe-maybe the Banshee doesn't _want_ me to die alone, that's what I thought when she said yes, that's what I thought, and today I-I-I…"

"Did you use Glamour on her, Robin?" asked his mother softly. Robin didn't look at her.

"I…I thought maybe if I did…she'd forget. They say that…that…my Glamour can unearth the truth. I thought I could…I thought I could make her stop loving him. It's not fair that she loves someone who hates her so much when I could…when I _would_…"

"What happened?" she asked.

"We were spying on some friends of hers," said Robin, looking at the pattern of feathers on his sheets, "It was on the second story, so we…"

" 'We'?"

"Tanya, Helena and me," said Robin. He'd already told her about Tanya. "And just after Tanya came along…I'd been holding onto Helena to make sure she didn't fall and so…I just used a _bit_ of Glamour…just to try and see if there was anything there for me…"

There was a strangled sob.

"The worst part was that…there _was_ some place there for me. There _had_ been. Maybe there always _will_ be. But that place…it's just so small…and Dmitri's place…it's just so large…"

Robin let out another giant sob.

"I _know_ my service is due my king, and I _know_ that the king I chose is Jacob, and so I _know_ that I must always be loyal to him and most of the time it's as easy as breathing, but when stuff like that happens it's just _so hard…_"

"Oh, my darling, darling, darling," said his mother, pulling him into a soft embrace so that his head was on her shoulder. His shoulders still shook, and she couldn't help but remember the last time he had wept so hard.

"_Dearheart, what's wrong?" she had said._

"_It's Jacob," Robin said. He was trembling all over._

"_Yes, he did leave in quite a huff. What did you say to him?"_

"_I said…I said…"_

"Was I wrong, mother?"

"Hm?"

Robin tilted his head into her neck so that she could hear him better.

"Was I wrong, last year? When I said what I said to Jacob?"

He felt his mother's long dark hair on his head. There were times he was jealous of it. _Jacob_ looked more like Robin's mother at times. And then Robin's would look at her face and know that she _was_ his mother. But, as he said, sometimes it was just _so hard…_

"You did what you thought was right, Robin," she said.

"But it wasn't!" said Robin, "I knew…you should never speak to your king like that and I _did_!"

"And maybe Jacob needed to have been brought down a peg or two," said his mother, "I think he was getting to complacent, was taking you for granted,"

"That's the _point_, isn't it? To be taken granted of?"

"When you're _older_, Robin,"

"Mother," said Robin sitting up, "I'm already thirty. I don't think you can really say when I'm older,"

His mother chuckled slightly, before standing up and starting to tidy his room up. Robin dutifully stood up and helped, although they both knew it would take less than a day for it to become a mess of madness again.

"Robin, due to the way that the Mortal World works, you currently have the body of a teenager,"

"Only because of the way we age," he muttered irritably, "That's why everyone still thinks I'm a third form,"

"You _have_ always been short, my darling,"

"Yeah, and it's really genetic," he muttered again. His father was very, _very_ tall.

"Yeah," said his mother, her voice perfectly mimicking his, "And we _really_ pay attention to genetics,"

He laughed a bit, wiping his tears on his sleeve.

"_Robin_," said his mother, putting her own voice on, "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times…"

And now it was Robin's turn to perfectly mimic his mother's voice.

"…Don't wipe your face on your sleeve, alright, alright," his mother nodded.

"Very good. But don't your mannerisms sneak in at the end,"

"It was deliberate," muttered Robin rebelliously. His mother's mouth twitched slightly, in a very similar way to Robin's when he was hiding a smile.

"What did she do when you used your Glamour on her?"

Robin paused, and it was difficult to tell the emotion on his face.

"It was windy, so she brushed the hair away from my eyes. And then she started to lean in…"

"Do you think she would have kissed you?"

Robin thought for a moment. He lifted his sleeve, then paused and took out a handkerchief to wipe away the dying gleam of a tear.

"No," he said quietly. "I don't think she would have,"


	10. She Wants Me

**Note:** Okay, I may have lied. It _may_ take place in Chapter Twelve. This is simply because I want to spend some time with Tanya and Jacob, as Robin seems to be taking the whole spotlight. Fear not, the mortals will get their spotlight time. I can't _wait_ till the forest…rubs hands together and grins  
This whole chapter was so much fun to write. It was nice to get Robin back to his normal mischief, although originally _he_ was the man with the quotes. And the plan. But it's nice to see Tanya upstage him. Really, Tanya is upstaging everyone. It's lovely. Those boys need to be brought down about ten thousand pegs. waves 'Go Tanya!' flags

**Chapter Ten: She Wants Me**

"Oh, come on, Jacob, you know you want to!" said Robin, eyes sparkling.

"No. No, I am certain that I do _not_ want to," said Jacob.

"Why _not_? It _is_ mischief!" said Robin, pleading.

"You're only doing it cause Helena asked," said Jacob in a singsong voice.

"Dude, we'll be hurting Dmitri! Do you _really_ care?"

"Honestly? Yes,"

"Jacob?" said Tanya.

"Yes?"

"You're being a bastard,"

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are. Worst of all, you're being a bastard for the sake of being a bastard,"

"I didn't see you bitching when we pulled that trick on Mr. Anders for Mrs. Craig-Parker,"

"That was different,"

"Well, the fact that Mrs. Craig-Parker wants me helps, I'm sure,"

"Yes, Robin," said a voice behind them. Robin froze, pen halfway through the word 'hate'.

"Uh…hi, Mrs. Craig-Parker," said Robin, all his muscles tense for the yell.

"Yes, Robin, I do indeed want you. To be precise, I _want_ you to shut up and get on with your work. Why, pray tell, do you seem to be writing 'I hate' on a piece of paper? Who is the recipient of your hatred?"

"Morris Gee?"

"I _would_ believe that, only even _you_ don't write things so blatantly,"

"Ah, but how do you know I'm not in a weirdly blatant mood?"

"_Robin_,"

"Yes, Mrs. Craig-Parker, right Mrs. Craig-Parker," Robin suddenly disappeared under the table and into the mess of plastic, chain and gaffer tape that was his bag.

"Question!" said Tanya.

"Yes, Miss Adams?"

"Is there a Mr. Craig-Parker anywhere?"

"She ate him," said Robin, reappearing from his bag with a copy of a Morris Gee book. "Before you start bitching, miss, I did, in fact, buy the copy, so I think I'm allowed to deface it all I please,"

"Robin Kurt Constantine Peters? Deface a book?"

Robin winced.

"Did you _have_ to say my full name?"

"What's so bad about it?"

"It's the Constantine. I feel like I'm meant to be religious or something when people call me it. Or at least a superhero,"

"You mean you're not?" gasped Tanya in mock-horror.

"Is Constantine a Biblical name?" asked Jacob.

"Does it matter? And yes, I would deface a book if I felt it was an utter piece of shite. Excuse my French,"

Mrs. Craig-Parker gave him a sour look, before picking up the book and smacking him lightly up the head.

"Ow!"

"I'll be taking that to make sure they are _innocent_ defacements!"

"Come on, miss, give me some credit!"

"No,"

Mrs. Craig-Parker walked up to the front of the class with the book and proceeded to start to read it, her eyebrows raising at some pages.

"She wants me," said Robin.

"Robin, man, she totally doesn't," said Jacob.

"Miss Heppersell wants me," said Robin.

"Somehow I doubt it, what with her being engaged and all,"

"Alas! Never shall I consummate my love with her!" he cried, unfortunately during one of those terrible moments when the whole the class goes silent.

"Are you talking about consummating love with the principal's fiancée?" asked Mrs. Craig-Parker.

"Well, I mean, miss, I'm just trying other possibilities now that my heart has been crushed into the ground by your boot!"

"You really do have a death wish, don't you?"

"Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer!" said Tanya, "It's _yes_,"

"Very good, Miss Adams," said Mrs. Craig-Parker dryly, "I might give you a golden star for that one,"

The three Fae looked at her, exchanged glances and burst into hysterical giggles.

"Just get to work," the crabby teacher said.

"We _have_ to get back at them," said Robin, once he had finished giggling.

"I agree," said Tanya.

"You _what_?" said Jacob.

"Jacob, I had Science with Hermia fifth. I think it's worth it," the quiet way she said it made it clear that this was it. No argument.

"All right, I concede,"

"_ROBIN!_"

"Ah, I hear my love calling," Robin grinned and left.

"Why _were_ you being a bastard, Jacob?" asked Tanya. The strangest look came on Jacob's face. It was a look of sheer, undying self-hatred.

"Because I'm scared," he finally said.

"Of what?"

"Of…hurting Robin," he said, so quiet Tanya could only just hear him. Tanya looked at him, confusion but also sadness in her eyes, "Don't tell him. Let him think I'm a bastard. He doesn't need this. He doesn't need what he thinks is pity,"

Robin reappeared, hair even messier than normal. Off their looks,

"She beat me about the head for saying the Fat Man was a shitty book. I'm just waiting for the day she brings Halfmen of O up,"

The two shook their heads.

"In any case," said Jacob, "How were you intending on doing this?"

Robin grinned, a long nasty grin.

"I was thinking a bit of humiliation for Dmitri. See what it feels like to be the _pursuer_ not the pursued,"

"How?" asked Tanya. Robin then flushed.

"Ah, um…it would be…er…breaking the law…"

"Which law, Robin?" asked Tanya.

"Um…well, we might get vandalism charges…"

"_You know what laws I mean, Robin_,"

Robin put his hands up in a peacemaking gesture.

"All right, all right!"

The two looked at him, and Robin shifted a little uncomfortably.

"Robin, of the three of us, you're the one with the most knowledge of Fae tradition. Just spit it out," said Jacob.

"The Second of the Ten Laws," Robin said in a quick rush, as if to get the worst of it out. The two blinked at him.

"Robin," said Jacob in a long-suffering voice, "You _are_ aware that the practice of knowing their order is long, long, _long_ out of practice,"

"_For humans doth keep their own lives_," Tanya began to quote, to the surprise of the other two, "_Own candles, own minds apart. Take heed, all you of faerie blood: interfere not with their fate. Their fate is their own, and our own interference may divert such fate. Faeries are the keepers of all secrets and knowledge, and to use this against them, for harm or for aid, goes against all faerie law. The law is thus, the greatest and oldest of the Ten Laws of the Fae: Thou Shalt Not Interfere With Mortal Fate_," off their looks, "I _did _live in the Faeryland until I was ten,"

"Robin!" hissed Jacob, "You want us to go against the hundreds…_thousands_ of years of scripture _just_ to get back at a group of mortals?"

"Don't you?" countered Robin, "We've been forgotten so long…it's time to bring us back. And this law…" Robin trailed off.

"I think what Robin means," said Tanya, "Is that our fates are tied up with humans now and forever. To try and _not_ divert the course of human fate…that's missing the point. We take them from the dark! We teach them fear, and courage! We light the candles of the souls! We teach, we guide, but we cannot force. If we cannot force, then _how_ do we teach except by diverting their course! If we obey this law, then…we're kinda missing the point,"

Pause.

"Tanya?"

"Yes?"

"If you ever get sick of Jacob, can _I_ marry you?"

"Sorry, Robin, I'm a one-man woman,"

"Who'd a thunk it; it a Fae with standards,"

"I'd a thunk it, Robin. For one thing, most girls like guys that actually look like guys,"

"Ah! No! I have proof! Yesterday a whole group came to flirt with me! You can't deny _that_!"

"Robin?"

"Yes?"

"The only reason girls flirt with you is because you're damn good at it, you know that, don't you?"

"Shut up, Tanya! You're destroying one of my life principles!"

"What are the other ones?"

"Mrs. Craig-Parker and Miss Heppersell want me. The Good Doctor-Duke wants me too, but he wants me dead, so it doesn't count,"

"I think saying that I want you silent means that that doesn't count, Robin,"

"Yes, Mrs. Craig-Parker. But Miss Heppersell totally wants me, doesn't she?"

Sigh. She moved on.

"So, what _is_ the plan?" asked Jacob.

"Er…really, all I'd gotten to was the sketchy idea," said Robin.

"_Mark'd I where the bolt of Cupid fell._

_It fell upon a little western flower,_

_Before milk-white, now purple with love's wound,_

_And maidens call it Love-in-Idleness_," quoted Tanya.

"Oy, I thought I was meant to be the Fae practitioner and knowledge expert here," frowned Robin.

"Oh, you are, this kinda stuff has just been hammered into my head since I was a kid," said Tanya, shrugging. "Legend says that Love-in-Idleness will make somebody fall madly in love with the next person they see,"

"And if they're their true love it wears off when they sleep," said Robin beginning to bounce in his chair like a kid, "And if not…" Robin cackled.

"You. Are. So. Scary sometimes," said Tanya. Robin grinned.

"I know. I love being me," the smug grin continued. Tanya looked at Jacob.

"And you _wonder_ why I beat him upside the head sometimes,"

"Okay, so…we pour the love-juice…"

"Ew, Tanya said love-juice,"

"_Robin_,"

"Okay, we pour the _pollen_ into Dmitri's eyes, Helena wakes him up, BANG! Instant humiliation!"

"Although Helena might get a bit upset," Jacob said. The two looked at Robin, who shrugged.

"Hey, she asked for help,"

"Robin?"

"Yup?"

"You are aware that you can be an amoral son of a bitch at times, aren't you?"

"Oh, of course. Even my mother calls me that. So does my dad, although he's careful not to say it around mom. Mind you, he'd know,"

"Okay, Robin, seeing as I've known your parents since I was a kid, that _really_ is not an image I want in my head,"

"I know. Thank heavens for Blank Mind Technique,"

"You'd better teach me it sometime,"

"I'll take that as a 'yes', we _are_ going to fuck Dmitri over,"

"Damn straight,"

"Mais oui,"

"Suh-weet!"

"Wait, wait, wait! Cruical aspect missing!" said Tanya.

"Mm-hmm?" said Jacob and Robin in unison. Tanya stared at them for a second.

"Yes, we know it's creepy," said Jacob.

"Just checking. You know, it might not be important, but do any of us _have_ Love-in-Idleness?"

Pause.

"Er…get back to you on that one,"

"_ROBIN!_"

"What?"

"What happened to being 'the man with the…whatever you call yourself these days'?"

"_It's on the other side of the entire fucking world! _What, you think I _regularly_ head into the far west?"

"In other words," said Jacob.

"We're fucked," finished Tanya.

"Goddamn, the lack of trust you young people have these days," sighed Robin.

"Dude, I'm six months older than you. Don't whine,"

"Robin, how _are_ we going to do this without the flower?" asked Tanya. Robin grinned again.

"Fear not, fine lady

And good sir,

I'll put a girdle around about the world

In forty minutes!

Hey, miss, can I go to the toilet?"

"So long as it means you're out of my sight, yes," muttered Mrs. Craig-Parker.

Ten minutes later… 

"How long is that boy going to take?"

"Er…"

"Forty minutes?"

Mrs. Craig-Parker stared at them, then sighed.

"This is something to do with your mischief isn't it," it was not a question.

"Er…no?"

"Right. Just make sure I don't catch you doing it, okay?"

"Yes miss,"

Tanya and Jacob exchanged looks.

" 'Forgotten by everyone'?"

"Only Robin would neglect to mention that his favorite teacher knows he's a fairy,"


	11. Beware the Proscenium!

**Note:** I have been in musicals, so when I say something I evil, I know what I speak of. This is…one of the more warped chapters. Having over three thousand words in it helps…

I suppose I could have divided it into several chapters, but I thought that would break up the flow of the events.

Why does Jacob collapse in the first section? Ha-ha! Gun in first act goes off in third! Don't worry, it will become clear.

Next chapter will properly explain what the deal with Robin, Helena and Jacob is. I have to say though…I wrote this chapter in two big blocks and it was a MISSION. I hope it's worth it, though.

Nine pages, baby! _And_ Robin gets his pranks on! _And_ Tanya upstages Jacob! _And_ Jacob goes all awesome 'I-am-so-totally-going-to-be-your-king'.

I love writing this.

**Chapter Eleven: Beware the Proscenium!**

_Five minutes later…_

"You can stop checking your watch Tanya," said Jacob, for what felt like the thousandth time.  
"But…"  
"He will come. He will come,"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes," said Jacob simply.  
"How can you be sure?"  
"I just know he will,"  
And Jacob would never say anymore.  
Except one time…  
"Wait," he said, holding a hand up.  
"I just don't see…"  
"No, it's not that,"  
"What is it?"  
"Can you…" Jacob closed his eyes and a expression of concentration crossed his face. "Can you…feel that?"  
"Feel what?"  
"It's like…a twist. There's someone and…it's not…their fate isn't right…" Jacob felt dizzy-he felt ready to collapse.

"Jacob...?"

"The…the gate…" he said, holding his head, "It's…the gate…and the…wood? I need…Robin…Robin…need…him…help…"

"_Jacob!_"

_Meanwhile, in the hall…_

It seemed choreographed. Indeed, from a distance, you might swear that what was happening onstage was not, in fact, absolute maddening chaos from a group of people who had no fucking clue what they were doing. Indeed, you might even say that it was a well-thought out battle plan, and that they had long studied General Giap's guerilla warfare at Dien Bien Phu.  
You might say that. Were it not for the fact that a) it wasn't b) it wasn't and c) they had no clue who Giap was. Possibly a new clothing brand?

To people ever intending to go into theatre, a word of advice:_Nothing_ is _ever_ choreographed, because, inevitably, there will be a lead who forgets their lines, a chorus member who takes the wrong step or, in this particular case, a backstage crew member who gets stuck halfway up to the ceiling in ropes so numerous he looked more like a plate of spaghetti.

"Hey!" yelled some strange, moving object from amidst the spaghetti. "Arse! Get me down!"  
"It's your own fault for getting tangled in those ropes, Quincy. Didn't I tell you? Yes, I did. If you just _listened_ to me once in a while…"  
"Whoops! Look out, Snook!"  
"Aagh!" the girl bitching at the spaghetti and the fly trapped inside took a gigantic leap backwards, as it seemed that a sandbag, out of nowhere, smacked onto the stage.  
"_Arse!_" yelled a voice, and a girl walked forward with the hunt in her blood and the murderous intent in her veins, "Watch what you're doing with those sandbags!"

Aforementioned Arse stuck his tongue out at her.

"Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, Bella, whaddya gonna do to me, sweetheart?"  
"Oh, you have no idea…"

Meanwhile, from a small, neat closeted area in the rafters, a storehouse for costumes, lighting equipment, controls, thunderstorms, madness and Experiences Of The Third Kind, a small pretty boy with golden eyes was in the process of destroying the costumes by sewing the places normally reserved for skin, flesh and bone shut, so that None May Enter.  
With his work done, Robin boredly looked about for something interesting. His eyes fell upon two ropes, one tied up, the other slack. Trying to look as nonchalant as possible, he flicked the knotted one undone and hoisted the slack one up, before putting it into what appeared to be one of the most complex knots known to Man or Fae.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The plate of spaghetti, complete with the one known as Quincy, was hoisted high up into the rafters, where the poor child became further entangled. Meanwhile, Sandbag the Second fell into Snook's general path. She made an admirable-and, to be honest, successful-attempt, however, this resulted in her being flung into a small patch of tangled floor lights, resulting in her, too, becoming a gravity-defying plate of spaghetti, before the knots failed her and she crashed into the ground.

"Oooo," said Bella.  
"Yup," added Arse, "That's definitely gonna leave a mark,"  
"Oy!" yelled Quincy, "Get me down!"  
"Er…"  
"How?"  
"Come on, the play's tomorrow!" said Bella.  
"Yeah! You guys better known your lines!"  
"We can only hope," muttered Snook.

_Meanwhile, at the gate…_

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

Hermia looked anxiously at Leon as walked through the gate.

"Of course. Easy as pie," he said, but there was a slight tremor to his voice. He was going to get into _so much shit_ about this.  
"But…isn't it…breaking the law?"  
"I doubt it," said Leon, "Come on, my aunt won't mind. We sneak out of school, drive to my aunt's and hang low for a bit. You know…" Leon looked thoughtful, "We should probably tell Helena. She could help…"  
"Help what?" said a clogged-up voice. Leon and Hermia turned to see Helena standing next to the high wall surrounding the school. It would have been imposing, were it not for the fact that most of the school was on a hill, and that this wall simply circled the edges.

"We're…" Leon tried to start the sentence, but the red-eyed look she gave him broke his heart, and he instantly wanted to bring her with them.  
"We're skipping school, you could say," said Hermia, "To get away from this…nonsense. Tomorrow, if we don't come to a 'ceasefire' Leon get expelled, Dmitri stood down and I get sent to an all-girls school. If we lie low for a bit, the whole thing will blow over,"

Leon nodded,

"We're heading to my aunt's. In fact, we were thinking you could help by staying in contact with us, tell us when they've, well, given up the ceasefire,"  
"It's dangerous," said Helena, "What if you get caught?"  
"We won't," assured Hermia. "Listen…I know it's going to be hard, but…" Hermia took Helena into her arms, "But we have to do this, and I'm so, so sorry we'll be leaving you alone to deal with Dmitri. But we _have_ to do this,"  
"The course of true love never did run smooth," muttered Leon, to the amusement of the girls, who giggled.  
"Don't worry, Hermia," said Helena, "I'll hold on. I promise,"

Hermia gave a comforting smile, and, with a deep breath, the two left the school grounds.  
Helena took a few steps away and then collapsed against a wall.

"Take deep breaths, Helena," she whispered to herself, "Deep breaths,"  
"That looked friendly," said a voice. It might have been comforting, but somehow, the word 'friendly' sounded like some kind of swearword.  
"Dmitri!" said Helena, jumping in shock. He stepped out of the shadows behind the wall to place a hand on Helena's shoulder. Every single one of her sense vibrated with elation and fear. Her muscles bunched up and her mouth dried. This was _so not good_.  
"Where are they going?" said Dmitri.  
"I won't tell," said Helena, but the sharp, nasty person in her was whispering _maybe things will be better if you tell_. Her rational side argued, but for some reason it all seemed to be coming to a head, and Dmitri grabbed her chin, looked her fierce in the eyes and said,

"_Where are they going, Helena_?"

It was the first time in months he'd spoken her name. Helena nearly collapsed.

"Leon's aunt's," she said in a soft whisper, "They're going to lie low for a bit so that by the time they return, this will all have blown over. That's what they think,"  
"Huh," he said. He hadn't let go of Helena, and the elation and fear continued, every nerve jangling along where his hand gripped her shoulder and where his fingers brushed her chin, "I'm going after them,"  
"_No you're not_!" yelled Helena, something jerking in her muscles. Gold eyes, purple eyes, blue eyes, 'You don't have to take his shit,' from a tenor voice, 'Damn that Dmitri,' from a soft soprano, 'Can't I take an interest in other people's lives occasionally?' from a baritone, and now mortal blue eyes, 'It'll be okay Helena,' 'It'll be okay,' 'Be strong Helena,' 'It'll be okay.'

Dmitri gripped her shoulder hard.

'It'll be okay.'  
"_You can't stop me_,"  
'It'll be okay.'  
"_Yes, I can…_  
'It'll be okay.'  
"_You're not going…_  
'It'll be o…'  
"_Without me…_"

Silence.

"_Fine_!" snarled Dmitri, "But I'm not looking after you!"

He stalked away to the car park. Helena melted, briefly, muscles collapsing, and then saw him take his keys out.  
She ran to catch up, and she had the oddest feeling that sad, disappointed eyes were looking at her, and when she turned back, she could almost see Leon and Hermia looking at her, a question in their eyes:

'Why?'

_A little way off…_

"He's going to…"  
"Jacob!"  
"But we…"  
"Jacob!"  
"Right now…"  
"Jacob!"  
"They're not meant to…"  
"_JACOB!_"

Jacob looked up meekly at Tanya, who gave him A Look.

"Robin's your best friend, right?"  
"Hell, yes!" said Jacob, hackles raised at the concept of him not being.  
"You trust him?"  
"Damn right! Forever! With my life!"  
"Then _leave it to him_,"

Jacob looked at Tanya, astonished. She'd gone from total confusion to know absolute determination. He loved Tanya. He'd known it this morning, when he'd woken up and wanted to see her, when he had reached out, expecting to see her smiling and hadn't found her. He'd known it in English, when she'd laughed, and looked at him, a smile especially for him. He'd known it a few minutes ago when he'd collapsed, and the first thing she had done was grab him to keep him from falling.  
He also knew that, as well as loving her, he admired her like all hell. I mean, what kind of woman speaks that way to a _prince_? And is able to admit her mistakes that _fast_?  
Yeah. He loved her all right. And he _never_ wanted to be on her bad side.

"But. Tanya," he said, "I trust him but…"  
"I know," she said, "It's easy to trust him, but hard to rely on him,"  
"You'd think the two would go hand in hand," muttered Jacob, "And we've only got till midnight, when Midsummer arrives and the Somebody Up There calls our Glamour up for the Rites!"  
"Do you think it's worth it?" said Tanya abruptly, looking at Jacob. He stared at her.  
"Yes. Always,"

Tanya smiled, and brushed his cheek with a finger, before leaning in to give him the softest of kisses. He leaned in and…  
A finger on his lips. His entire body let out a sigh.

"What are we waiting for? Asides from Robin?" Jacob looked at her and smiled again, "To hell with the Rites. I've got an idea,"

_Back in the hall…_

"Are the floor lights done yet, Snook?" said Bella as she brought out a checklist. There was a pause as everybody gave the checklist dubious glances. "What?" she demanded.  
"You really expect that thing to live out the day?" asked Arse.

"I agree!" called Quincy from up in the rafters. Quincy, being the resourceful young man he was (despite being stuck in spaghetti) was currently using this opportunity to look at the lights behind the curtain and the archway, also known as the proscenium (if ever you are called upon to sing on stage, be wary of the proscenium. It detests you, and will go out of it's way to make your songs, quieted, unintelligible and basically fuck it up. Sing outwards, lest the audience be confused, and the proscenium _win_). Quincy was, of course, in great danger, as he had to shift his position in the spaghetti quite a bit, threatening death, but he, like Arse, possessed the amazing qualities of I Am A Bloody Idiot and was therefore immune from most dangers.

Aforementioned Arse was currently having a mild panic attack as he tried to get everybody sorted out-the lighting was the main problem right now, although the technician, Gypsy, was being remarkably apathetic about the whole ordeal.

"Quincy!" he yelled up into the masses of spaghetti, "You'd better know your lines!"  
"Face it, Ben," said Snook as she sorted out the knots between to floor lights, "We're trying to arrange a play designed for a cast of…twenty-one characters if the actors don't double up out of a group of…how many of us are there?"  
"Six," said Bella absentmindedly as she wrestled with her knotty, knotty hair (although in this case the knots were not Fae-knots, which are impossible to untangle, but were long haired knots, which are also impossible to untangle despite what your hairdresser says), "Arse, Snook, Quincy, Flowery, Gypsy and me,"

Robin, who was currently up in the rafters and being even more resourceful than Quincy-using hairpins to destroy the lighting pad (he was currently invisible)- looked up, let go of one super-long hairpin to count on his fingers.

"In other words: Ben, Samantha, Joey, Leo, Joy and Fronia. Fronia? Huh, no wonder Bella wants to change her name,"

Robin returning to his mischief. Thank you Mr. Hans, he thought, for your deviousness in electronics. I _love_ short-circuiting stuff. It's so fun.

"Hey, who said that?" asked Quincy.  
"Huh, seems like idiocy is penetrating my disguise," murmured Robin, who shrugged, and continued his madness.  
"Said what?" asked Snook, still focused on her knots.  
"Someone was talking up there. I think they were saying my name…"  
"Quincy, don't…"

Robin, looking for all the world like he didn't care, undid the complicated knot with a flick of a thumb without even looking up from his work.  
The spaghetti, with a snarl of plastic and rope, suddenly came undone, loosing from around the rafters. For one moment, he suspended in midair, much as he had earlier, before crashing to the ground (although, as has been noted before, his powers of I Am A Bloody Idiot did indeed protect him from any injury, aside from possibly minor bruising. But those don't count).

"Man, this just isn't our day for injuries, is it?" said Bella. The spaghetti, slowly coming undone as Robin gave the rope another flick, proceeded to sulk.

He paused and then leaned over to see Bella standing on top of a certain piece of floor. He grinned, removed a hairpin, turned a knob and flicked a switch.

WHAM!

The trap door SLAMMED down onto the ground, Bella quickly following.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
"Bella!" yelled Arse.  
"The trapdoor must have come loose!" said Snook, as the Rude Mechanicals gathered round the trapdoor. Unfortunately, Bella did _not_ possess the magical powers of I Am A Bloody Idiot and was, therefore, quite badly bruised.  
"I thought Gypsy was the only one who could control the levers!" said Quincy, actually standing a bit away, as he'd been stuck up for almost half an hour, and didn't want to think of what it had done to his balance.  
"Do my ears burn?" called a voice. Robin looked up to see Gypsy (who did, indeed, have the dark skin of a Rom) peering out from over the table.  
"That has got to be the stupidest saying ever," said Robin, shaking his head.  
"GYPSY!" yelled Arse, "Someone activated the trapdoor!"  
"Wasn't me, luv," called Gypsy, "I've been fiddling with wires all day!"  
"Hey, what's the commotion?" called a voice from the entrance to the hall. Robin's ears perked up, and he grinned.  
"Oooh, how my ears burn," he cackled, enjoying greatly the Glamour spell that let him become invisible and silent to anyone else.  
"Someone's been pulling pranks!" yelled Arse, "They trapped Bella beneath the trap door!"  
"Yeah, and I was up in those ropes for half an hour!" yelled Quincy.  
"Half an hour?" murmured Tanya to Jacob, for that was who the visitors were.  
"Girdles only take ten minutes, obviously," said Jacob, "You see what I mean about reliability?"  
"Oh yes. Oh yes,"  
"Oy!" yelled Jacob, "Robin! Get your ass down here!"  
"Alas!" called a voice, "I have been found out!"

Robin clambered up to the rafters, tried to keep balance but he-

Tripped-

Tumbled down-

And then…

Grabbed a spaghetti rope, pushed off the back wall, somersaulted through the air, hit the floor and tumbled to land on one knee, hands out in a showmanship like fashion.

"Ta-da!"

Tanya and the Rude Mechanicals applauded. Jacob looked less than impressed.

"How the hell were you hiding up there?" called Gypsy "And…WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THE COSTUMES? And…THE CONTROLS…? You little…"

Robin turned to the furious Mechanicals and gave a sweet, angelic smile.

"Half an hour, Robin?" said Jacob with a raised eyebrow.  
"Did you even get the flower?" asked Tanya.  
"Man, you guys don't give me any credit, do you?" said Robin, with a roll of the eyes. He handed a dark purple flower to Jacob, with a bow and a look of great longing, "Oh, my king, how I adore thee, and yet, our love must forever be denied by society…the fact that you're in love with Tanya doesn't help either, I might add," said Robin, a grin replacing the over-the-top look.

"Have I ever mentioned," said Tanya, "How awesome you are at drama?"  
"No," he said, "But many girls have assured me of my sheer sexiness when it comes to it,"

Jacob and Tanya exchanged glances and shuddered a bit. The thought of Robin being sexy was a bit too much for their imaginations.

"Whatever," said Jacob, brushing away his horror, "Anyway, we have a problem,"  
"Oh? Well, I have the name of a good doctor I'm sure he could point you to a reliable gynecologist…"  
"_Robin!_"  
"The lovers have skipped town,"  
"What, all of them? And we weren't invited? That sucks!"  
"We're intending to gatecrash," said Tanya, a little grimly.  
"We need to move fast…specifically, _you_ need to move fast,"

Robin shook his head.

"Alas, I am forever your henchman. So, I need to move fast. Aside from that…?"  
"You need to make their cars break down next to the Forest,"  
"Which forest?"  
"The capitalized Forest,"  
"Oh, _that_ Forest,"  
"Yes, _that_ Forest,"  
"Do you have any particular requests with regards to stopping the cars?"  
"Not especially, but it's preferable that they are all still alive,"

Robin's ears perked up. Tanya and Jacob found it concerning that today he hadn't bothered to hide the pointed, expressive ears.

"And in one piece, Robin," added Tanya. The ears went down.  
"I can't even mutilate them slightly?"  
"You really hate them don't you?" she asked.  
"Payback for the lockers,"  
"_How many _did they shove you in?"  
"Quite a few,"

There was a pause.

"P. E. Lockers,"

There was another pause.

"All right, but they have to be able to walk,"

Robin cackled.

"And _nothing permanent_,"  
"Ack! You're spoiling everything for me!"  
"Anyway," said Jacob, "You need to get them _into_ the Forest. Once there, Tanya and I will cast the Incantation of Maze…"  
"The Incantation of Maze? No one's performed it for thousands of years! You could burn yourself up!"  
"I'll take that as a 'yes' you are involved,"  
"Fuck yes!"  
"You break down the cars. You get them in the forest. Tanya and I cast the spell and set the boundaries. You cast a sleep spell on Dmitri, spell the pollen…"  
"What spell?"  
"Make up a spell,"  
"Man, you _do_ think highly of me these days!"  
"Well…whatever! We play by ear from there!"  
"Awesome!"  
"Wait…" said Jacob.  
"What?" asked Tanya and Robin in unison. They shared identical looks of utter confusion.  
"Did you do that on purpose?" asked Tanya.  
"No, actually," said Robin, looking bemused.  
"Whatever," said Jacob, "I think…maybe I'll put the spell on,"  
"What do you mean?" asked Robin. The look on his face said he didn't like where this was going.  
"I'm…not sure I trust you with it,"

And then the oddest look came over Robin. It was a look Tanya knew she would remember forever. It was a similar kind of blankness to the one he had worn when he'd saved Helena after Tanya chastised him, but there was more to it, because while his face didn't move, his eyes…  
There was so much to read in those eyes…  
So much…  
Was that…

Hatred?

"Well, whatever," said Robin. He said it flippantly, but there was still an echoing hollowness beneath it, "I'll break the cars down, lure them in the forest and cast the sleep spell. Or do you not trust me with that, either?"

Jacob and Robin shared a long, long look, and it was Jacob that looked away.

"I'll head off in ten minutes," said Robin blankly, "That ought to give you enough time to convince yourself I'm trustworthy, _my king_,"  
And while the words were respectful, and while there was respect beneath it, Robin spat the words out like it was poison and left the room.

Jacob's shoulders collapsed in and he lowered his head.

"Shit," he said.  
"What's wrong?" asked Tanya.  
"He…I…we've known one another since we were kids," said Jacob, and unlike Robin, he didn't try to hide the hollow tone, "We've trusted one another. We've always been there for the other. When I broke my arm, he was the first one there, because he _knew_ I'd done it,"  
"How did he know?" asked Tanya.

Jacob was silent.

"We gave one another our true names,"  
Tanya _gasped_ at that.  
"But that's…that's…that's a _law_. It's against the law to tell anyone your true name!"  
"Do you know why it's against the law?"

Tanya shook her head.

"They never told me,"  
"Because when someone has your name, they can control you, if they please. And they will know so much about you…  
"We've found out how to dim the connection so that we're not constantly in one another's head. But still…it hurts him when I say I don't trust him. He's my jester. My best friend. He's one of the constants in my life; wherever we go, we go together.  
"And when I say I can't trust him…  
"I've hurt him once before, but I don't think until today I've torn him apart as I did just then,"

Jacob looked at Tanya.

"I have to make amends,"  
"How?"

There was silence.

"I'm not sure,"


	12. Of Incomprehensible Notes

**Note:** There was originally meant to be interaction before this, not after, but I'd had so much fun writing it, I had to keep going underneath. I didn't want to do the full conversation, because it's a long conversation with lots of long soliloquies, and because I wanted this chapter to sink in before you read the full aftermath.

Oh, and this chapter has the ultimate bitch fight in it.

Oh, and the teacher? Yeah, I've had a teacher _exactly like her_, only it was for Maths. Curse you, Maths teacher! You put the fear of God, or, at least, measuring units into me!

Anway. It's…

Flashback time! Let's have a drumroll!

**Chapter Twelve: Of Incomprehensible Notes**

_One year ago…_

It was English, and Robin and Jacob were lurking in the back. The teacher was Ms. Anglera, who, despite liking Robin (as all the English teachers did) would put up with no mischief in her class.  
In other words, unlike in Mrs. Craig-Parker's classes, in which you _could_ get up to mischief and she would just ignore it, mischief here was met with the meter stick against the board and a yell.  
Robin often wondered whether Ms. Angela did, in fact, just want to smack them all, and it was only the law that prevented her.  
However, at this particular point in time, Robin wasn't wondering anything like that, as his eyes were glued, not to the board (although a casual onlooker might assume that), but to a tall girl in the front row with bleached streaks in her dark hair.  
Jacob gave him a sharp elbow to the side.

"Get to work," he hissed, "You _know_ that I'm the one who cops it if you get distracted!"

"That's because you're normally the reason I get distracted," grinned Robin.

"Liar," said Jacob, and his eyes flicked to the front row before he gave Robin a significant Look. Robin chose to ignore it, and instead got to work.

Then he very carefully tore a small square of paper out of his book and wrote on it, in his mad, crazy handwriting. It was short, but he put a lot of thought into it.  
Once he'd finished it, he did some more work, then glanced at Jacob, who was gaping at the notes.

"I have no fucking clue what I just wrote," he told Robin.

"What? You think _I_ know?" asked Robin, raising an eyebrow. Jacob rolled his eyes and got back to copying notes.

Robin let his hand hover over the paper, still keeping an eye on Jacob. Golden sparkled suddenly twirled around his fingers, and then a small thread leaped onto the paper, silently scrunching it up. Looking up, he carefully timed his next use of Glamour so that the teacher didn't notice. The paper ball shook slightly as golden Glamour flickered in the creases and then, with a barely audible 'pop!' it vanished…  
…to reappear just over Helena's desk, dropping onto it and then falling to the floor. Helena, just as cautious about any misbehaving as Robin, waited for a lapse in concentration by the teacher, and quickly scooped the ball up. As quietly as she could she unrolled the paper, to find Robin's messy handwriting.

_Hi, Helena!  
I thought you should know that you're beautiful.  
Do you want to go out with me?_

_Robin._

Helena blushed and smothered a giggle with a cough, before quickly putting the piece of paper in her bag. Then, timing it once again, she twisted around in her seat to catch Robin's eye.  
She didn't need to. Robin was already watching, eyes filled with longing and a half-smile on his face.  
Very slowly Helena nodded, giving him a wide, soft smile.  
Robin smiled back, and Helena got back to his work.

"Robin?"

"Huh?"

"You're sparking,"

"Wha?"

Robin was astonished to find that his Glamour _was_ sparking over his hands and arms. He looked up at Jacob and smiled sheepishly, before banishing it away with a brush of a hand.

"Oops," he said. Jacob shook his head and returned to writing.

"Young 'uns," sighed Jacob.

"Hey, you're twenty-nine as well, don't you lecture me," muttered Robin.

"Birthday's next week,"

"I hate you,"

_The end of class…_

Robin's hands were shaking as he packed up his bag, and he was inwardly screaming thanks that it was last spell. If it had been any other spell, he'd have spent the rest of the day incapable of writing; his hands would be trembling too much.  
Helena, Robin, Jacob and a boy they did not know were the last to leave. Robin had never really understood the phrase 'heart in his mouth' but right then he did, and right then, he wasn't sure if he wanted it to go away or not, because every beat was a sign that he was alive and that this wasn't a dream.  
Robin and Jacob stepped out the classroom, and Robin, with a bit of effort managed to point his feet homewards…

"Robin?" said a voice.

Every muscle locked into place, and Robin turned around, meeting those dark, dark eyes.

"Uh, hey," he said. Parts of him were screaming something to the general effect of, WHY THE GODDAMN HELL ARE YOU SO NERVOUS?

"So, um…when did you want to get together," Helena asked, dark eyes wide and perfect.

"Saturday, maybe?" Robin said, "Um…a movie?"

Helena smiled at him, and Robin wondered if his legs had been replaced with water.  
She stepped up to him and gently kissed him on the cheek, and Robin was abruptly aware of white-hot fireworks going off just underneath every bit of skin along his body. She pulled away but not far enough, and the two were nose-to-nose and here were her dark, flushed lips and there were dark eyes and she was so close, so close soclosesoclosesoclosesoclose…

They were frozen briefly, and then Robin leaned over and kissed her full on the mouth.

And his body _screamed_.

Robin hadn't kissed before, and the way she was and the way he was and goddamn it he couldn't think to save himself all he could do was hold her like she was glass and kiss her like it was just them in the world and brush fingers against her hair and feel her hands pulling him closer and and and and and and and…

Apparently at some stage they must have stopped kissing, because he remembered her smiling and waving back at her. And apparently he must have been standing straight, because he was able to walk all the way home.  
And apparently his eyes _were_ conscious, if not his thoughts, because he could vaguely remember seeing Jacob walk off, his face set in harsh lines…

_Later that day..._

_At the Peters household... _

"So," said Jacob. Robin put down his book (Othello) to raise an eyebrow at Jacob. The two sat in Robin's bedroom. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in through his window, and there was the quiet sound of the giant Venus Fly Trap looking about for something to eat.

"So?" asked Robin. Jacob had discarded his own book (Romeo and Juliet) and had instead spent the last few moments listening to music on his mp3 player (of doom, destruction and bad music as Mr. Wright had once wryly told them. The ensuing argument resulted in Jacob sporting bright pink bunny rabbit ears, Mr. Wright having a bunny tail and Robin standing on the ceiling, looking sheepish. Literally.).

"So…you and Helena," said Jacob. Robin smiled and leaned his head back into the cushions.

"Mm-hmm," said Robin, now looping his hands behind the back of his head. The book, discarded for now, pouted, and slammed shut.

"Do your parents know?"

"For a given value of 'knowledge'. They know I'm going out on Saturday,"

"With a girl?"

"Yes. Although the look dad gave me was a little…"

"Concerning?"

"Something like that,"

"In which particular fashion?"

"Look, it's not _my_ fault the tail came out pink! It is _not my fault_!"

"What do you mean?"

"Just cause the tail was pink does _not_ make me effeminate and does _not_ make me gay!"

"Dude, you _did_ look like a girl until you were, like, eighteen,"

"Fifteen!"

"Whatever. So…"

"So…?"

"When are you going to tell them?"

"Tell them what? That's she's mortal?"

"Uh-huh,"

"Well…" Robin looked at the ceiling, "What they don't know can't hurt them, right?"

"You should tell them," said Jacob.

"Oh, wow, look who's Mr. High-and-Mighty!" said Robin, twisting onto his side so he could grin at Jacob, "Since when did we pay attention to _those_ Laws?"

"You should still tell them," said Jacob quietly. Robin's expression changed; he now looked somewhat hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"I'd tell my parents,"

"Bullshit!" snapped Robin, "Like hell you would!"

"They need to know," said Jacob.

"Why?"

"The Mischief Clan takes care of it's own," said Jacob, "And it's own aren't necessarily blood-related! What if you have a kid?"

"What the hell's that meant to mean? I'm twenty-nine, for chrissakes! And she's almost sixteen! That's, like, half my age! Like that's happening in the near future!"

"So? We don't need half-Fae running around the place, I mean, you know the kind of havoc that wreaks!"

"What…?" Robin looked at Jacob, confused, "What…why are you saying this? If it were your secret, I'd keep it,"

"Yeah, well I seem to be the only one around here who gives a damn about the rules!"

"Since _when_ did Jacob Oscars give a damn about rules?"

"You'd better tell them, Robin!"

"Or you'll _what_?"

"Tell them myself!"

Robin froze, and his blood began to boil.

"So," said Jacob, "You'd better damn tell them, Puck!"

SMACK!

The punch hit Jacob sharp around the face. Both of them flinched, and the reddening bruise that sprouted around Jacob's face was mirrored by the slight mark on Robin's.

"We made a _promise_, Jacob!" snapped Robin, "A _promise_!"

"That was a _mortal_ promise, Puck, it has no place here!" said Jacob.

"Don't _call_ me that!"

"Or you'll _what_?"

"Just…just…just _don't_ call me that, _Oberon_!"

Jacob stiffened and flushed.

"Your promise is due me, Puck, and don't forget it!"

Robin stared at Jacob and then took a deep, deep breath.  
Robin was twenty-nine years old then. In the rest of his life, nothing he would ever say would ever hurt, sting or scar as much what he then said:

"_Get out, Oberon!_"

Jacob took a step back, because Robin's golden Glamour was snapping and sparkling around him as he took deep breaths. Jacob's own sapphire Glamour was bursting in response, it's normal firework sparks now giant explosions, and while Robin's Glamour was normally Catherine Wheels, the spirals now _screeched_ in Jacob's ears, and only his, because this was a hurt and an order that went beyond this, and it wasn't Jacob and Robin in that room, it was Oberon and Puck, and then…

"_Fine_!" the screeching died down, and the Glamours began to fade, "_FINE_!"

Robin stood there, the golden Glamour retreating to that dark place under his skin, into blood that was sap and metal, and he stared at Jacob, disbelieving at what he had just done.

"_Fine_, I'll leave _Puck_, but don't you forget that your promise was to me, and that in Faeryland, promises are set down in stone, and when they find out you shattered a promise to your king, _you will burn_,"

"**_GET OUT!_**"

Jacob left, slamming the door behind him and all but running out.

And there was his house. Not as maddening as Robin's, but still his house, just around the corner from Robin's. Home. Although it was funny, come to think of it, to think of a home without Robin. Everyday since they were ten they had switched homes, Robin's one night, Jacob's the next. Jacob was so used to Robin's house and so used to his house as Robin's that it was…surreal. The thought that when he walked through those doors, it would be the first time he had ever come in so early without Robin. The thought that, when he walked through Robin's front door, he had sealed off the one person in his life he had cared about more than any other thing. The one constant in his life, the one person who he knew would stay with him until the end, until death, and after…

But now he wouldn't. And walking through his front door would be the end, and after that, there would be no going back.

Slowly, Jacob walked through the door.

"Hey, Jacob," said his father as he opened the door.

"Oh. Hey, dad,"

Jacob walked up the stairs. Somehow, he reached his bedroom, shut the door and sat on the bed.  
He stared up at the ceiling.

"Shit,"

* * *

Saturday arrived and Robin went out with Helena. They watched the movie, brought popcorn, talked about life, love and madness, and when she asked he had caused utter _havoc_ for the ushers. He'd driven her home. Walked her to her door.  
They'd kissed. One long, soft, beautiful kiss, her dark lips, his golden eyes, her long eyelashes, his broken nose, her hips, his big hands, her curve of a back, and the fact that, Robin thought giddily, there was too much for just this one night, too much, too much… 

"Do you want to come in?" she asked, quietly. Every nerve jangled again. His eyes glowed.

"Promise me something," he said suddenly.

"What?"

He suddenly held her tight against him.

"Robin?

"Is everything okay?"

He pressed a kiss to her crown and then let go enough that he could see her eyes, her large, dark, beautiful eyes. He cradled her face. He had to ask. He just had to.

"Promise you won't forget me,"

She smiled.

"How could I?"

They shared another kiss. And, eventually, he did go in with her.

She was sixteen, it turned out. He was twenty-nine. He had all of eternity to forget. She had a lifetime to remember.  
Between Saturday and Monday, he lived her lifetime and she had his eternity.

Because on Monday morning, his mother woke him up, and the look in her eyes was all he needed to know.

Jacob had called his parents, because it was what you did. And they had talked to the Clan leader, because that was what you did.  
And he had given Helena a brief flash of eternity, and she had forgotten Robin.

"Hey, Helena." Robin said as he passed her in the corridor, desperately, desperately hoping for something.

She looked at him, and there was a kind of confusion in her eyes.

"Uh…hi?"

Because a boy she barely knew had just said hi, and what do you say to that? Because there had been so much _hope_ in his eyes.  
But by the time she realized that that was what she had seen…she had passed him, and the poor, little Puck could only stand there in the middle of the hallway and bite the nails in till it hurt and say to himself,

"But you promised."

_Later that day..._

_The Peters household, once more..._

"Robin?"

"Go 'way," (because that is the inevitable defense of heartsick teenagers. What else do you say? Come in for some tea, Clarice?)

"Robin?"

"Mom, I told you to…"

Robin's voice stuck in his throat, because it was Jacob standing there, with an apology in his eyes.

"I didn't believe you felt anything," he said quietly, "I thought you were rebelling, or something. But when you saw her today…I let the connection open, and I could feel everything,"

Robin stared at him.

"You would have given up being a Fae for her, wouldn't you?" said Jacob, and his eyes looked almost as tortured as Robin felt.

Robin said nothing. He just stood up and looked at Jacob.  
He smiled, a little tentatively.

"We have a lot to catch up on," he said to Jacob, "I lived a lifetime over the weekend," and that was the only apology either of them needed.

_Present day…_

"Did you ever forgive me, brother?" said Jacob quietly.

"What is it?" said Tanya, "Where's Robin?"

Jacob pointed to one of the high walls surrounding the school. Robin sat there, cross-legged, staring out into the day.  
Tanya made a motion to jump, but Jacob stilled her, and leapt up the high, high distance, because it was his best friend, and he was the one who had broken him.

"Robin?"

"I don't believe it, you know," said Robin, "I thought after we went through that, we'd be…I don't know. Stronger. Obviously not. You can't even trust me with a spell, let alone my own life, can you?"

"Robin, I…"

"Oh, no, don't worry about me," said Robin bitterly, "You've got Tanya to go show off to, don't you?"

There was silence up there for a very, very long time.


	13. The Hobgoblin Cometh

**Note:** I'm sorry this took so long to write, but this is one of my least favorite scenes, simply because, in the movie, at least, it lost all the flavor of them being Fae. I think I managed to change it enough here that the two remain Fae whilst, at the same time, being teenagers. That's probably the hardest part of writing this story. Making them teen _and_ Fae. I _think_ I did a good job here. Better than the movie for certain.

By the way, in case you are wondering, the only things this has in common with the movie is some of the incredulous stuff Robin says, the lines at the end and where it's set. You'll see what I mean.

And I have gone back and changed the name! W00t! It was originally 'Sprite' (because I was having issues with Puck) but then a reviewer got irked with me, and having reviewers get irked with you is upsetting, so I went back, changed stuff and managed to arrange his name to be Puck. Ha! Take that, Freya's intelligence! HA! Please tell me if I've messed up somewhere and he's still called 'Wright' or 'Sprite',

Oh, and I've been reading Neil Gaiman lately. Can't you tell?

**Chapter Thirteen: The Hobgoblin Cometh**

"We haven't been up here for years," said Jacob, walking along the wall and sitting down next to Robin.

"…Not since we first came to the school…" said Robin quietly.

"Back when it was you and me against the world,"

"Gee, until about ten minutes ago I thought it had always been you and me against the world," said Robin sarcastically, "Guess these days it's you and Tanya against the world,"

"Will you shut up about that?" snapped Jacob.

Robin kept his back to Jacob.

"It's true," said Robin.

"No it isn't,"

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Doubting me. Doubting me when, for thirty years, I kept every secret of yours, defended you every time you couldn't defend yourself. The only time anything like this ever occurred was a year ago, and even then, I never doubted you. I never doubted that you wouldn't do what you said you would. So why do you doubt me, Jacob? Why?"

"I…" Jacob tried to come up with a reason…and failed horrifically. "Because I'm a bastard," he said finally. Robin laughed. It was a harsh, bitter laugh that must have grated his throat to shreds.

"_You're_ the bastard? I thought that was my job," the humorless laugh diminished into chuckles. As mentioned beforehand, only Robin can make laughter sound like a swearword. In this particular instance, it was a series of swear words directed at Jacob.

"What do you mean?" asked Jacob. Robin's smile faded, though Jacob couldn't see.

"You mean you don't _know_?" he asked incredulously, twisting to face Jacob, "You're honestly telling me that you don't _know_?"

"Know what?" said Jacob, suddenly feeling as though he was being tested for a subject he'd been asleep for. He inwardly wondered when Robin had become his Biology teacher Mr. Jack.

Robin stared at him.

"No wonder you doubt me," he spat, "You don't even know what you _are_!"

"Know _what_?" yelled Jacob, hackles raised. Robin stood up so that he could shout in Jacob's face. Normally, this would be difficult, what with Jacob being at least a foot taller than Robin, but Robin had gotten taller, and the two were equal in height now.

"You're meant to be leading me!" he snarled, "That's all my job has ever been, to answer to you and to follow you, and you don't even know where you're meant to be leading me! Funny how 'leading' and 'leaving' are only one letter apart, _isn't it_?"

"What do you mean?" asked Jacob.

"You'd better get your act together and figure what the hell you are and what the hell it is you really want from me!" snapped Robin, "Before I'm not here anymore!"

Jacob suddenly started back. It was the first time Robin had outright said he might leave.

"What…Robin…"

"There are other kingdoms," he said, sneering, "Other masters to follow. I could even leave Faeryland couldn't I? Wouldn't that be _interesting_? Or, better yet, join the UnSeelie Court! Hobgoblins are welcome _there_ for sure!"

"But you're not a hobgoblin," said Jacob tentatively.

"I was born to be one!" said Robin, his volume steadily increasing. Suddenly he wasn't pretty, he was mad and wild, some strange creature of magic and mischief, but, you had to remember, mischief was, by it's nature _bad_, ungood, unwelcome. His pupils turned to slits and he snarled like an animal.

"And I was born to lead you!" yelled Jacob impulsively. Robin started and his hackles dropped. He shrunk to his normal size, his pupils widened and…he was Robin again.

"Are you certain of that, Prince of Goblins?" said Robin. Jacob stared at him.

"No. Not at all. But I'm certain I don't want you to leave me. I don't want you to leave me, but if you do, I would have you free of any master, free to do as you pleased and to leave the withered monarchy be. But I am certain that I do not want to lose Robin Goodfellow,"

Robin smirked a bit at the title, but shook his head.

"And what have you to offer me, Heir to Kings?" he said.

"Nothing except…"

"Except what?" spat Robin. But when Robin looked in Jacob's eyes, it wasn't Puck and Oberon, it was Robin and Jacob, best friends, blood friends, name friends.

"Everything I have, brother," said Jacob. Robin looked into his eyes and then…

…the two embraced like brothers. But, that simile is somewhat useless. They _were_ brothers. They _are_ brothers. Even when Robin becomes Puck the Hobgoblin and Jacob becomes King Oberon they will _always _be brothers.

They didn't need to say it. They just knew it.

And Jacob stood on top of the wall and offered Robin everything he had, from his freedom to his life and right back down again to his name and the two hugged so hard it was like they were trying to _do_ that, trying to forget that they were leader and follower, commander and subordinate, trying to become something else, as if a brotherly embrace of relief and sorrow and hardship and the kind of love only brothers have could somehow make destiny go away and leave them as they were, as they are, as they, with any luck, _always will be…_

And then…

Robin squeezed Jacob _hard_.

"Ah!" said Jacob, play-gasping, "Robin! I need my lungs to breathe!"

"You offered everything," Robin said, leaping away and grinning, "I'm sure your lungs would fetch a neat price on the black market," and with that he jumped off the wall, laughing, with Jacob close behind, amazed, because Robin, instead of choosing freedom to be what he wanted…

…Chose Jacob.

"If you've finished with your drama!" yelled Tanya as she ran up to them. She opened her mouth to say more, but Robin squeezed her in a hug too, to her confusion before cackling.

"I'm off!" he shouted to the world, "Mortals beware!"

And with that he vanished in a crackle of Glamour.

"What was that about?" said Tanya, rubbing her sides. Robin hugged _hard_.

"Robin chose me instead of freedom," said Jacob, bewildered but happy. He suddenly grinned, "Wahoo! What could be better?" he was yelling too, grabbing Tanya in a kiss. When he pulled away, she was laughing from sheer confusion, "I've got my best friend and the girl I love in, what, two days? Awesome!"

Tanya laughed.

"And I've got the boy I love and his best friend in _one_ day!" she teased, "Let's move, we've got mortals to play with!"

And, yelling for the sake of yelling, the two vanished in a sparkle of ruby and sapphire Glamour…


	14. The Broken Down Car of Doom!

**Notes:** I think I should just make a brief note because it appeared in last chapter about the Seelie and the UnSeelie Courts.

The Seelie Court would fit what modern day though would call 'The Good Faeries'-if humans were aware of their existence, they would generally be under good terms with them. Were Jacob and Tanya actually to pay attention to any of Faeryland politics, they would likely come under that heading, as does the Somebody Up There. Like the Fae of the previous ages, there _are_ Fae responsible for things. In the Seelie Court you get Spring, Autumn etc., cherry blossom etc., you know the deal.

In the UnSeelie Court, were it to be aware of modern mortal politics they would not be on it's good side. The thing to keep in mind is, although modern Fae and modern humans think of the UnSeelie Court as 'evil' they aren't-their primary difference is that they cover the less pleasant aspects of the world-the Banshee is a member of the UnSeelie Court and, like Jacob and Tanya, were Robin to pay attention to politics, he and his family would very, very quickly be press-ganged into the UnSeelie Court. They are less 'evil'-they just don't have your best interests at heart.

Short chapter! Short, evil, despicable chapter! Ha ha ha! And next chapter will be the final chapter in the Robin-Centric storyline (although the Helena one gets a very, very, _very_ brief mention later on).

**Chapter Fourteen: The Broken-Down Car of Doom**

"I _swear_ I've seen that bush before!"

"That's what you said _five minutes ago now shut up_!"

Helena snapped her mouth close and bit her lip to keep from crying. It wasn't just Dmitri's tone. It was utter frustration and exhaustion…

_Twenty minutes ago…_

'_Er, Dmitri? I think the car broke down,'_

'_I _noticed_. Let's go out and see what's wrong,'_

_And so they did._

_Cars are susceptible to afflictions that are many and varied in their scope. Over-heating radiator, radiator that's been cracked by some dumb idiot pouring water over it, batteries out of power…_

_Dmitri's car had somehow, mystically, for no apparent reason become afflicted with all of these. And when I say 'all of these' it is not in reference to the previous list. It is in reference to every conceivable malady a car might suffer. And this car had suffered all of them. Indeed, when Dmitri went to get his keys, he was astonished to discover that somehow he had been driving without a steering wheel, for it had vanished rather mysteriously._

_As Dmitri leaned out, he slipped slightly, and grabbed the seatbelt, which promptly unwrapped itself and somehow it all ended with a gigantic knot of seatbelt plastic and Dmitri. There was a giggling noise. When Dmitri turned to look at Helena, she shrugged and moved to help._

_The instant Helena moved, the seatbelt broke and Dmitri fell, fortunately breaking his fall…_

…_with his head._

_Hmm. Helena, for some reason unknown (to her, at least), snapped her head around, as if looking for someone. She then shook her head, before tentatively helping Dmitri up. And then snapped around._

_Dmitri, who had placed a hand on her shoulder for what Helena read as _slightly_ too long (a lie-his balance had been shot to hell) was a bit wrong-footed when Helena suddenly turned around, looking at the woods._

"_What the hell is it?"_

"…_I don't know. I just get the feeling that there's something in the woods,"_

"_Malicious?" asked Dmitri, still staring at his car in a kind of awed horror._

"_Something like that. It's…like something's laughing in my ear but I can't quite hear it,"_

_And then a voice seemed to echo from the forest._

_And maybe it said 'come here mortals' and maybe it said 'oh Helena…' and maybe it challenged Dmitri, but whatever it said, or did, the two suddenly wanted to go into the forest._

_Especially when, a little way through, they heard Leon and Hermia…_

…_Present minutes_

"I am _sick_ and _tired_ of this _damn forest_!" snarled Dmitri.

"Does this mean you'll give up and go home?" asked Helena, propping her fists on her hips. "Does this mean you'll _finally_ give up on Leon and Hermia and actually be sensible?"

"I'll never give up!" snapped Dmitri, "Not for you and not for anything else in this world!"

"Would you give up for Hermia?"

There was a long silence, and Dmitri looked at Helena in a very strange way. Then he set his jaw.

"I trust Hermia would never ask me such a thing," Dmitri ran off and Helena started a halfhearted run after him.

_Meanwhile, hiding…_

"Bastard," muttered Robin.

"We'll get him," assured Jacob.

"Don't worry: _Love-in-Idleness_ makes fools of all us," said Tanya.

"I swear," said Robin irritably, "A fellow works long and hard on building up a good and solid reputation and then what happens?"

"I'm sorry," said Tanya in mock-hurt, "Next time I'll keep my grandmothers quotes to myself.

"What happened to her?" asked Jacob, still watching Helena.

"UnSeelie Court got her," said Tanya.

"Bastards," muttered Robin.

"We'll get them," assured Jacob.

"By the by…" said Robin smoothly.

"I don't like the way you said that," said Tanya. Robin smiled sweetly as he inspected the grime beneath his fingernails. Satisfied with whatever he saw, the smile carefully turned into a plaintive look.

"You don't mind if I run off and do a bit of mischief? I'll be back in time,"

"Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes, I can't handle them," said Tanya. Robin promptly turned aforementioned puppy-dog eyes on her.

"Robin…" started Jacob.

"He'll be so mean," said Robin, sniffing. Tanya melted.

"Fine, Robin," said Jacob, "Just stop turning my girlfriend into a pile of mush,"

Robin grinned widely.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent,"

With a crackle of Glamour, he was gone.

"You two could take over the world, you know that don't you?" said Tanya, "You give the orders, the two of you do the sweet-talking, Robin does the mischief, you do the distractions and take the fall for the minor stuff…you could seriously take over the world,"

"As it is we're working on Duke Athens High School," Jacob then went quiet, "Then we're thinking of Faeryland,"

Tanya choked.

"You want to…_unite_ Faeryland? Even the UnSeelie Court?"

"They're still a part of us," said Jacob, "Still a part of how we view ourselves and our viewed. Part of what we do," Jacob looked at Tanya for a long moment, "Help us, Tanya. Help us remake what's been broken for millennia,"

Tanya stared at those beautiful sapphire eyes and then she said…


	15. Light, Life and Laughter

**A/N: **Jesus. It's been, like, over a month since I updated. I sincerely apologize. This is a…very bad chapter, actually, seeing as it was cobbled together out of the confines of my head at the end of a rather bizarre day, so you'll have to forgive me if, at some as yet unknown time I go back and totally revamp it.  
I often refer to a 'movie version'. There is no actual movie. This actually started life as a movie _script_ which is why it's not inspiration I lack so much as motivation, although in this instance it was actually quite, quite difficult, as the film directions were much, _much_ easier to write.  
You may be interested to know that in my movie script this is referred as 'The Freshman Sequence' as, in my head, it goes to the tune of The Freshman by the Verve.Oh, and I am aware there may be some gender discrepancies. It just occurred to me that it was unfair to have more girls than boys. As I actually _know_ someone whose last name was Flower, I felt justified in making Flowery a bloke.  
Final Note: It should be noted now that, at time of writing, this story has officially hit the fifty-five page mark at font Times New Roman and size twelve.  
Oh, yeah.

**Chapter Fifteen: Light, Life and Laughter**

"Aargh! God-damn-it-all-to-hell!"

"What's wrong, Snook?" said a voice.

"It's the ropes! They just…I tried to untangle them and now…argh!"

"Good, god Snook!" said Gypsy, running down to help her, "How on earth…?"

"I just _said_, didn't I? The ropes just…aargh!"

"Aah!"

"Snook? Gypsy? What's wrong?" asked Flowery as he walked off the stage. He paused and then stared, seeing the two up in a tangle of ropes and wires, seemingly unable to free themselves. Flowery moved to help them…

"Don't do it, Flowery!" yelled Gypsy, "You'll just get stuck yourself! Pass us…that…tinsel, or something, and pull us out!"

"Tinsel?" asked Flowery, as he picked the long coil up, "What's golden tinsel doing lying around here?"

"Dunno, duncare! Pass the damn thing over here!"

Flowery tossed them the tinsel, and somehow they wrestled themselves out of the tangle. They then turned back to stare at the malicious heap of vine-like ropes.

"I am _so_ not touching that," said Flowery.

"I concur," said Snook, wincing at one of the bruises she'd caught on her fall.

"Me too," Gypsy was limping from a particularly rambunctious vine, "What's say we get the menfolk…"

"Menfolk?"

"I'm somewhat insulted…"

"Boyfolk…"

"Boyfolk?"

"Thingfolk?"

"That's more like it,"

"Let's say we get the thingfolk to deal with it,"

"With you on that one, Gypsy,"

"Good. I don't have another battle to deal with,"

So, limping and cursing, Gypsy and Snook walked off, while Flowery stood there, staring at the wall.

"But we've never _had_ golden tinsel at school before," he said softly, "The only time I ever saw it was at Christmas, when a bunch of people did dress up. A lot of them wore tinsel but…"

Flowery's eyes snapped back into focus, as a kind of horror came over him.

"Um, guys?" he called.

"What?"

"Um, I think I know who did the trick?"

"Who?"

"Um…"

Flowery never told them though, because at _that_ instant, he suddenly slipped over the golden tinsel and went tumbling into the Evil Knot Of Doom.

And Flowery later swore that he heard someone laugh, and that the laugh was something like a swear word.

* * *

"Come _on_!" said Ben, "You gotta know your lines by _now_,"

"Sorry, Arse," said Quincy, looking at the ground apologetically, "It's just, every time I _try_ to remember them it just…slips. As if they weren't there. I can't remember them, I don't know what it is," Quincy looked glum, "Maybe I am going mad,"

"Oh, don't be an idiot, Quincy," said Snook, coming in, "You're just not _trying_ hard enough,"

"Yeah? Well, you're so perfect, what are _your_ lines?"

Snook flicked a lock of hair behind her ears in a smug fashion and opened her mouth,

"His…" a look of puzzlement came over her. "His…"

Snook shook her head angrily.

"A different line then. Come…wait, that's not right, either. How about…and never…_is_ it never? Maybe it's something else…"

Snook stood there, staring at her hands and then suddenly burst into frustrated tears.

"Jesus, Snook, what's wrong?" said Ben, running over and grabbing her by the arms.

"It isn't coming!" she sobbed, "I'm meant to be the dramaturge! I'm meant to know _everyone's_ lines! What's wrong with me? Why can't I remember?"

Ben grabbed her and pulled her into a hug, her head resting on his shoulder. Ben was _really_ alarmed now-that wasn't the kind of thing that happened, not to Snook.

"What the hell's happening?" he murmured, "What?"

Gypsy had just brought Flowery round when their was a giant _crash_ from the hall.

The two looked at one another, thoughts whirring, before coming to the same conclusion:

"_BELLA!_"

The two immediately ran, fast as they could, skidding around the corners to land in the hall…

Where their jaws dropped.

Every single sandbag had fallen onto stage, knocking down set boards and props. And their in the middle of it sat Bella, curled up and weeping.

It two hesitantly approached her, to see her look up, eyes red and swollen.

"It won't come right," she said, "It's like…I get so far and then…"

With a choked sob she pulled her knees up to her chest and started crying sandpaper tears.

"Oh, Jesus," said Flowery, gently lifting her up, "Oh, this is _so_ not good,"

"If we get Quincy helping we could get them all…"

Flowery just looked at Gypsy and then pointing.

The sandbags hadn't dropped. Their ropes had been _cut_. It would take all afternoon to fix it.

"Listen," said Flowery, "I'll go get some gaffer tape. With a little luck, we might be able to repair it _that_ way,"

"Okay," said Gypsy, quietly devastated.

Flowery had just walked out of the room when there was a _fwoosh…_

And every single sandbag cut open, sand streaming across the floor.

Gypsy took a deep breath, and then held it, biting back the sudden urge to scream.

* * *

"Arse?"

"Yup?"

"We've got problems,"

Ben, who was starting to get at the end of his tether, promptly turned to Flowery and snapped,

"What do you mean _we've got problems_? Two of our leads can't remember their lines, the ropes are in knots I don't think Alexander the Great could open and…"

"And the sandbags' ropes have been cut,"

Ben stared at Flowery.

"W…w…what?" Ben seemed incapable of speech suddenly.

There was suddenly a large and continued _clunk-clunk-clunk_ noise, as though giant dominoes were slowly collapsing. They all exchanged horrified looks, immediately realizing what was wrong.

Once more, the Rude Mechanicals skidded down the corridor to find…

The sandbags cut open, sand covering at least half the room and _every single bench_ knocked against one another.

And in the center sat Gypsy, who, like Bella and Snook, looked more tearful than Ben had ever seen them.

Then, something very, very bad happened. Because at that point, Flowery noticed a long stream of tinsel across the curtains and, without thinking, ran as fast as he could to the stage, doing a flying leap and pushing Gypsy out of the way…

As the curtains collapsed in on themselves, pouring all over the stage.

Gypsy took a deep breath, and _this time_ she screamed.

* * *

"Okay…okay…" said Ben, "We can…we _can do this_,"

"How?" said Quincy, somehow supporting Snook, Gypsy and Bella, all of whom were more or less catatonic.

"We just…we just have to, okay?" said Ben.

"I maintain: How?"

"Well…the show must go on. We just…we do without costumes. Find what we can at out houses that look vaguely appropriate. We…do away with set all together…we set the benches up again and…oh, Jesus, I don't know what we're gonna do,"

The six slumped against one another and, for the first time, Ben rested his head in his hands and gave a bitter, black, dry sob.

Meanwhile, somebody with gold-brown eyes, a slightly broken nose and boots we shall not speak of stood to one side, admiring his handiwork. Chirpily, totally uncaring as to the pain he may have caused, he wandering around the room, thinking on what more havoc he could do when…

…He suddenly saw the play they were doing.

_A Midsummer Nights' Dream_.

Slowly, steadily, Robin Peters smiled.

* * *

Snook suddenly snapped bolt upright.

"His mother was a votress of my order!" she said, eyes wide.

"You do impeach your modesty too much…" Quincy's eyes suddenly went alight, "I remember all of it, now!"

Quincy and Snook looked at one another and, to the shock of everybody else, shared a long, passionate kiss.

They were totally unaware that an invisible presence was gagging.

Then, some more tinsel suddenly floated through the air. Flowery, more concerned by what the tinsel heralded than the face that it was moving through the air, closed his eyes…

At which point there was a crackling like a Catherine wheel.

They all looked up to see a bright golden spiral suddenly whirring above their heads. It lazily spun over their heads, and the red blotched nose-clogged sobs suddenly vanished, leaving them look just as they had before.

Then it whirred out of the room. Everybody shared a wondrous smile, before rushing out after it…

…And watching with utter amazement as gold sparkled over everything. It was like watching a movie in reverse-the sand suddenly all falling up, the sandbags and the ropes mending, the benches coming aright, the curtains sailing to the ceiling…

…And then…

…And then…

Duke Athens High School had neglected it's hall theatre for some time. This was part of the Rude Mechanicals problems when trying to stage a play.

So, you can imagine their surprise when suddenly the dull red of the curtains whirls into deep crimson, when the blotch from the stage suddenly whirr off, the chairs balanced more perfectly, the doors stopped squeaking…

…And, invisible, there stood Robin, waving his arms much like a conductor, before suddenly _becoming_ the Catherine wheel and whirring above them, spreading golden light over the whole stage, a gigantic explosion of light, life, and laughter.


	16. The Horror of the Albino Hare!

**Note:** The song in this chapter is a real song-it's from Purcell's _The Fairy Queen_, an opera originally designed to follow the tale of AMND. When we put on our pseudo-production last year (just the lovers and the fae) we had our music department join in by singing some of the songs.

I _do not_ know the first part of the song, which is why it's barely mentioned. I also fudged continuity slightly-the song's meant to take place about a scene later, but we can ignore that.

Oh, and in case you're thinking I'm idle-I checked, and I _cannot_ find _any_ copies of lyrics on the internet. _Curses!_

I had _such_ a difficult time starting the dialogue for this. In the end, I just thought of all the strong women I know and what they would say to their significant others. I promptly beat my head against the wall, and wondered how the heck I ended up having such weird friends.

**Chapter Sixteen: The Horror of the Albino Hare!**

"Um, Leon?"

"Yes?"

"How long have we been in this wood?"

"Uh…" Leon looked at his watch for a second, confused. He shook it a bit, and made a face when something in it rattled, "…Couldn't say,"

"Just…it's cold…" said Hermia, looking around.

It _was_ cold. Their breath misted in the air, while Hermia clutched her handbag to her chest and rubbed her arms.

"Did you leave your jacket at the car?" asked Leon, putting an arm around her.

"I think so," Hermia leaned back into Leon's embrace, and Leon wrapped her in his coat. She twisted, and the two shared a brief, warm kiss.

"Well…whatever time it is, it's getting dark, and maybe we should rest a bit,"

"Yeah…" said Hermia, yawning, "I'm…tired…"

She sat down on a fuzzy patch of grass, smelling the wonderful, damp smell of a forest and smiling into the ground.

It took her a moment to register the warmth at her back, and when she did, she sat bolt upright.

"_Leon_!"

"Huh? Wha?" Leon looked at her, a bit blearily. He's _just _nearly been asleep.

"You can't…lie next to me like that!"

"What…I mean…you…_why_?"

"Well, it's just…you know…I'm not…" Hermia blushed, looked at her hands on the ground. Leon leaned forward, and smiled into her hair.

"Okay, then," he said softly.

"Yeah, I'm not saying I don't want to just…not right now?" Hermia looked at him, a little hesitantly. Leon just continued to smile, before sighing.

"I suppose you're right. We'd best…"

_In the nearby bushes…_

"Oh, god, can we please leave?"

"What? But…"

"Do you really want to stay?"

"What? But…"

"_Do you really want to see if Leon gets into her pants!_"

There was a pause.

"AUGH!"

Tanya and Jacob beat a hasty retreat.

_Back with our heroes…_

"We'd best…"

There was rustling in the bushes. The two leapt a foot in the air, clinging to one another.

"Leon!"

"Don't worry, Hermia!" he tried to sound reassuring. Instead, he sounded ridiculously macho, "I'll…protect you from anything! Even if it's…"

The bushes rustled some more, Hermia clung harder to Leon and then…

…A small white hare emerged from the bushes.

"…Even if it's a vicious albino hare," finished Leon, utterly bemused.

The hare sniffed the air a bit, as though not certain what was going on about it.

"Aw, it's so cute, though," giggled Hermia. She leaned over…

"Hermia, you _do_ know how long their teeth are, right? You do know that hares can be little bastards? Hermia…"

A bit too late, though, because Hermia had now managed to rest her hand on the hare's ears, and was gently stroking them. The hare leaned into the hands, before giving Hermia's hand a big sniff (Hermia giggled again) flicking its ears a bit and skipping away in the ridiculous way of hares everywhere.

"What was that about protecting me from vicious albino hares?" asked Hermia mildly, before laughing at the expression of utter confusion on Leon's face.

"I don't know. I'm scared, Hermia," he put on a plaintive look, "Hold me,"

Hermia laughed again, putting her arms around him.

"In any case, we should get to sleep," she said, giving him a gentle push. Leon got the idea, and tried to snuggle into sleep on a nearby patch of grass, while Hermia curled up on hers, her handbag a little way away from her.

Suddenly…it seemed as though all the light in the forest diminished. There was hush.

There was a light then. It flickered in the wind, and threatened to go out, but stayed alit. Another light lit from that one, and they were revealed to be candles. Soon, a long string of candles were held up, like a paper chain. There was an ominous silence, and then a thin, piping voice spoke.

_If love's a sweet passion_

_Why does it torment?_

The candles all suddenly moved a little further away, to light blank, somewhat unwholesome faces, both more beautiful and more hideous than mortal ones. They started to walk forward, now singing.

_I press her hand gently_

_Look languishing down_

_In my passionate silence_

_I make my love known_

_But oh how I'm blest_

_When so kind she does prove_

_By some little distance_

_To discover her love_

_In striving to hide_

_She reveals all her flame_

_And our eyes tell each other_

What neither dares name? 

They reached Hermia, totally ignored Leon. And, ever so gently, they reached out, some to touch her hair, some to touch her clothes, some began to reach into her handbags. Hermia's face contorted into an expression of pain when suddenly…

The white hare returned, blocking Hermia from the singers. It snarled like a cat, and the singers took a few steps back, as the hare stood there, blocking their way.

"Move aside, creature," said one of them.

"Or come with us," added another.

"You know that you belong to us in the end, don't you?"

The hare didn't respond to this. The singers backed away, and slowly each candle flame blew out. The silence faded into the normal woodland sounds, nightlight began to pierce the darkness, and soon…all was as it should have been.

The hare turned to look at Hermia.

"Well, that was somewhat useless," it said, shaking it's head, "They'll just come back. Stupid pixies. Don't know what's good for them,"

With a golden crackle, the hare was revealed to be Robin, who stood and stretched, as though he had been stuck in one position for some time.

"Thanks for the scratch, though," he said, "But you'd better wake up soon, Hermia…before something worse happens,"

There was a somewhat unpleasant look in Robin's eyes, promising trouble. Whether it was for the pixies or Hermia was up for debate.

Shaking his head, Robin paused and raised a hand, suddenly realizing that he still possessed hare ears. He promptly cursed, and shook his head again, much like dogs do to get rid of water. The hare ears vanished.

Robin then very carefully walked over to Leon, tilted his head, and then smiled, a mischievous, vengeful smile.

"This is comeuppance for those lockers," he whispered, before revealing the dark purple flower and, very, very gentle, sprinkling some pollen onto his eyes. Looking around to make sure nobody was watching, he softly spoke a speech.

_Churl, upon thine eyes I throw,_

_All the power this charm doth owe._

_When thou wakest_

_Let love forbid_

_Sleep his seat_

_On thy eyelid_

_So, awake…_

Robin suddenly stood up, ramrod straight. He could feel a change in the trees.

"Oh, dear," he said softly, "Jacob's waiting for me. Best hurry,"

He gave Leon a sweet smile.

_When I am gone_

_For I must now_

_To Oberon!_

And, with a crackle of Glamour, Robin switched back into his hare form. The hare seemed to smirk, before hopping away, once again, looking ridiculously stupid.

Leon seemed to gently stir, half-awake. He rubbed at his eyes, wiping away sleepy-dust. He had the brief sensation of something gently touching his eye…but then it was gone, and Leon slept, forgetting the incident entirely.


	17. Some Credit

**Note:** Yes, I cheat. Oh, how I cheat. But I like the idea of establishing their obsessions through Shakespeare. I have to note that this is AMSND just a _little_ sometimes, right?

Anyone who spots the _Dante's Inferno_ reference gets kudos.

I felt it was time for some Dmitri-pity. After all, he is a terribly sexy character. Although I can't say the people who performed him in our production were especially sexy. One was two years younger than me and the other…_ew_.

The humor, she be injected occasionally. It's getting somewhat difficult these days, what with us hitting the heavy stuff (and _finally_ being out of the school! It took me fifteen chapters to do it!)(and I bet it'll take less to get _back_ there). I also can't use Robin as a device anymore, which makes it tricky, as he _is_ our comic relief.

I miss writing Robin. I bet I'll go into withdrawal when I finish IWBF.

**Chapter Seventeen: Some Credit**

"_Dmitri_!"

"Get out of the way!" he snarled, trying to get past Helena, who had just spotted some footsteps leading, presumably, towards Leon and Hermia, and was trying her very best to keep him at bay.

"No! You'll have to…have to…"

Helena suddenly was filled with the strange idea that Dmitri _could_ do it.

Dmitri, meanwhile, had paused, staring at her.

"Do you really think I'd do that?" he said, in a totally serious voice. He stepped forward. Helena's heart pounded in her throat. Gently, his hand brushed against the back of her neck…

Then, she had the peculiar experience of suddenly going from vertical to horizontal with nary an 'excuse me'.

Dmitri had, quite simply, and quite quickly, picked her up. Helena stared openly at him as he shook his head.

"Give my some credit," he said in a flat voice, before turning 180 degrees and setting her on the ground, to her sheer bemusement.

"I can't be that bad," she heard him mutter, in an astonished and almost frightened tone.

"You can't be, but you are," said Helena sadly, feeling a couple of raindrop tears on her cheeks, rose-red from running.

Dmitri ran, and Helena moved behind.

* * *

"Listen, for the _last time_, stop following me!" snarled Dmitri, sick and tired of the chase, "I don't know how to get the message into your head, but for Christ's sake, _stop it_," 

Helena ran, trying to grab him as he left…

…but to no avail. Miserable, she sat down on a nearby log.

"_We should be woo'd_," she murmured sadly, "_And were not made to woo_,"

As a few more tears dripped from her eyes, it began to rain around her, the forest damp smell rising up. Helena was instantly reminded of Tanya, and the way she had smelled, all those hours ago in the freezing cold wind.

Strangely, the rain was quite warm, and Helena could feel herself warming up. Rubbing her arms, she stood to keep her legs from cramping. Shaking them out, she took in her surroundings properly, and was astonished to see Leon sitting nearby, curled up in the hollow of a tree.

He wasn't moving.

"_Leon_!" she yelled, running and skidding to her knees next to him, "Oh, Jesus, please don't be dead," laughing in a choked way, she added, "Hermia will kill me if you are, and we'll have to deal with sitting in Heaven waiting for her to come along up!"

Choking back hysterical tears, she desperately shook Leon by the shoulders.

This, as it turned out, was a bad idea, as his eyes snapped open and he promptly pushing himself into a sitting position, grabbing her hands, eyes burning with some unknown emotion.

_Transparent Helena_! 

_Nature shows art_

_That through thy bosom lets me see thy heart!_

Leon suddenly paused in the middle of his bizarre soliloquy, before gently pushing her back, running to stand on the log.

_Where is Dmitri! O, how fit a word_

_Is that vile name to perish on my sword!_

"Um…Leon…?" said Helena, in the careful voice used when you are absolutely certain that your friends has hit the realms of padded rooms, men in white coats and DC Comic characters, "Um…what are you talking about? And, um…why are you talking that way? And…you _are_ aware that this is _Helena_ you are talking to, not _Hermia_. You know, her best friend, the tall girl with the bleached hair? I know the rain's pretty heavy but…"

_Content with Hermia! No; I do repent_

_The tedious minutes I with her have spent._

_Not Hermia but Helena I love:_

_Who will not change a raven for a dove?_

_The will of man is by his reason sway'd,_

_And reason says you are the worthier maid._

_Things growing are not ripe until their season;_

_So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason;_

_And touching now the point of human skill,_

_Reason becomes the marshal to my will,_

_And leads me to your eyes,_

_Where I o'erlook_

_Love's stories, written in Love's richest book-_

Whilst Leon _did_ complete the soliloquy, it resulted in him slipping off the log as he tried to reach Helena…and smacking into the floor.

Helena promptly crossed her fingers, wearing a look clearly belonging to the 'What the fuck?' category.

"_Please_ say that knocked some sense into you…"

But, alas, no. Whilst the stars were indeed circling Leon's eyes, they were still filled with utter adulation as he rose to his feet, like a modern-day Dracula in Levi's© jeans.

"Oh-uh," said Helena, inching back, little by little, hoping to get away.

"Helena…" said Leon, in a very romcomzom type fashion, "…Don't you care about me?"

"Well," said Helena, flabbergasted, "I mean, I do, of course, but…"

Leon had now caught up with Helena, who was currently apologizing desperately to Dmitri in her head. If I survive this, she thought, I swear never to chase Dmitri like that again.

Leon was leaning across-Helena was tall for a girl-wearing the kind of expression he wore for Hermia, only this time his eyes, instead of being filled with stars, were blank.

Helena wrenched away, and came to the first possible conclusion.

"Are you…are you _making fun of me_?" she demanded, still flummoxed by what had just occurred.

"Never," he said, looking upset-but, of course, he was far too focused on how lovely Helena's face was to care. The raindrop tears were back, and Helena promptly fled, running in Dmitri's general direction.

Leon paused, staring Hermia over.

"She didn't see you," he said to her sleeping form. Hermia had begun to shift in her sleep, as though something terrible was happening.

"A pity," Leon said, sneering at her huddled form.

Leon left, and, mere moment after he had done so, Hermia suddenly started to grasp at her chest, as though throwing something away, before her eyes opened right up and she sat up with a SCREAM.

"**_LEON_**!"

She panted, leaning onto her hands, only faintly aware of the rain and the absence of her love.

She shook her head, hands trembling, as she slowly got a hold of herself.

"I'm sorry, Leon," she whispered, still weak as a kitten, "I just, had this weird dream. Like…something was compressing and eating my heart, like a serpent…" she stared into nothingness, her face a mask of horror of the past, "And you…" she started to quietly sob, "You just stood there, laughing…"

When there was no response, Hermia suddenly paused and turned around…

…Nothing.

"Leon?" she called quietly. "LEON!" she called, more loudly. Her voice echoed back to her, a hundred cries of 'Leon' followed by a hundred echoes of silence.

"Where are you?" she whispered, drawing her knees up to her face, before setting her jaw.

"I'll find you, Leon," she said, standing up, a set look in her eyes, "I'll find you if it's the last thing I do,"


	18. Don'tcha know 'bout that capital 'F?

**A/N:** Sweet Jesus it's been a long time. I can justify it, though! Assessments! Assessments! Jetlag! Illness! …the usual!

In any case, here we finally are, with yet another cliffhanger, simply because it seemed like a good place to end it and a good place to pick it up next chapter.

That and I'm a lazy sod.

So, goodnight and good luck, as the man says.

**Chapter Eighteen: Don'tcha Know 'Bout That Capital 'F'?**

"Where's Robin?" said Tanya, standing next to Jacob by a tree.

"He's taking his sweet time," muttered Jacob, "If he doesn't hurry up…"

"You'll what?" said a voice behind them. The two jumped, "Eat me?"

"Jesus, man, where were you?" asked Jacob.

"Oh. You know," said Robin, "Around,"

There was a pause as Jacob and Tanya considered the implications.

"I don't like your phrasing," said Tanya.

"It fills me with dread. What were you doing, anyway?"

"Not that it's any of your business," said Robin, affecting a high and lofty manner. Tanya and Jacob raised their eyebrows, and he grinned, "But I was off rescuing young maidens,"

Jacob and Tanya gave him blank looks.

"You?" said Jacob.

"Rescuing maidens?" added Tanya.

"There's a _reason_ this forest has a capital 'F' at the beginning,"

"Meaning what?" asked Jacob.

"Dork!" said Tanya suddenly, "The Incantation of Maze! It's acting like a beacon!"

"Yeah, all sorts of bad shit is coming out of the woodwork," said Robin. Seeing their looks, "Pixies! Pixies! I had to go and fight off fucking pixies! While I was in hare form!"

"Hare form?" asked Tanya.

"Trickster?" said Robin, pointing at himself, "Trickster here? _Hello_? How is that _not_ obvious?"

"Hey, Robin, shut up, I hear something coming!" said Jacob, motioning for the other two to hide. The three hit the dirt behind a bush, peering out into the clearing.

And…

…Enter, stage right, Dmitri and Hermia.

"What?" muttered Tanya, but any explanations were drowned as the two continued what was clearly a prolonged argument. At the top of their lungs.

"Why are you so angry?" asked Dmitri as he led the way, throwing his hands up in agitation, "It's not as if I've _done anything_," Hermia glared at him, "Aside from, y'know, the usual stuff that generally gets you mad,"

The look Hermia gave him was foul.

"What have you done with Leon?" she asked, propping her hands on her hips.

Dmitri stared at her like she was insane.

"What do you mean 'what have I done with Leon'? I haven't fucking _seen_ Leon since we were at school, and considering _you_ were the one that skipped school, I think it's _your_ fault we're here,"

"_We_?" the word trembled like an earthquake in the air.

"Um…"

"_Who_ exactly is _we_?"

"Er…"

Hermia looked, if possible, even angrier.

"You dragged Helena into this, didn't you?" she yelled.

"What do you mean 'dragged Helena into this'? It's not like I want her _around_!"

"And what's _that_ meant to mean?"

"Exactly what I say-I don't love her! How many times have I had to say that? I love you-not her. And, frankly, I don't give a damn where Leon is. I'd rather he was dead than anything else,"

_**SMACK!**_

The slap, unsurprisingly, was more stinging than a wasp after it had been trapped in a locker for half an hour. Dmitri actually staggered from the force of it, stumbling backwards a bit.

"And I don't give a damn whether you live or die either, bastard!" shrieked Hermia, "I don't give a damn about you anyway! You want something from me-here! A promise that I'll _never look at you again_,"

And thus Hermia stalked off, furious.

Meanwhile, Dmitri stared after her, wincing at his stinging red cheek.

"No point following after her is there?" he muttered.

"_Henpecked_!" hissed Robin gleefully.

"_Oh yes_," added Jacob, smirking.

Dmitri suddenly let out a jaw-cracking yawn.

"So…tired. Might as well rest for…a…bit," Dmitri stumbled and all but fell face-first into a pile of soft moss, and was snoring soundly before the moss had rearranged itself.

At this point, Tanya and Jacob turned to face Robin.

"What," said Tanya.

"The fuck," finished Jacob. Inwardly, Robin was impressed. They'd only known one another for two days, and already they were finishing one another's sentences.

Robin shrugged.

"What can I say? I must have missed him in the dark,"

Jacob tapped his chin and looked up, as if he was genuinely contemplating what Robin had to say.

At which point, he suddenly flung out an arm as if to strike him-instead, sending a mini-cyclone to send him tumbling head over heels into the middle of a pile of leaves. There was a brief explosion of boots, hair and leaves, which vanished into a slightly larger pile of leaves. And, because there is always an element of cliché comedy in Robin's life, a singular leaf popped down just on top to rest on the Robin-shaped pile.

There was another, outward explosion of leaves as Robin jumped out, brushing himself down as he hopped madly on one foot, trying to regain balance.

"What's wrong?" asked Tanya.

"Fucking spiders…" muttered Robin, checking all his pockets to make sure none had hid there, "I only like them when I'm pulling pranks…"

Jacob rolled his eyes and made another motion, and suddenly every nearby piece of debris on the forest floor started flinging itself at Robin, who was forced to put his arms up and try to defend himself.

"If you don't bring Helena here _right the fuck now_ you're gonna get a heckuva lot worse!" yelled Jacob. He then made an upward motion, much like the recoil of a pistol, and the debris all dropped. Out of spite, he made sure that a couple of the more web-laden ones stuck in Robin's hair, who promptly started shaking his head to get rid of them.

"Gyah!"

"That's mean," whispered Tanya to Jacob, who raised an eyebrow at her.

"_Fine_!" yelled Robin, now satisfied his hair was spider-free, "I will! Meanie!"

Jacob started to make another motion, but Robin was already gone.

"Amoral son of a bitch," said Jacob, not without affection.

"I thought you two were like brothers," said Tanya.

"We are. What, you thought we don't get into spats?"

"Well, I knew _that_,"

Jacob rolled his eyes again. He then looked at Tanya in a quiet way again.

"That's why we need you," he murmured, "You might be able to help me keep control of him. Or at least, make stuff easier when he does fuck up,"

Tanya giggled and produced Love-in-Idleness.

"Where'd you get that?" he asked.

"Robin passed it to me just before Dmitri fell asleep,"

"Bastard," muttered Jacob, shaking his head in a bizarrely happy manner, "He knew what I was doing," he then cleared his throat, before bowing to Tanya. She laughed as he kissed her hand, and then, with a gentlemanly 'thank you' took the flower away and moved to enchant Dmitri.

_Flower of this purple dye,_

_Hit with Cupid's archery,_

_Sink in apple of his eye._

_When his love he doth espy,_

_Let her shine as gloriously_

_As the Venus in the sky._

_When he wak'st if she be by,_

_Beg of her for remedy._

"You know," said Tanya, "That doesn't really rhyme,"

"Oh, hush up," said Jacob, handing her the flower again. He smiled and then leaned in to gently kiss her on the lips.

"Yo! Mein fuehrer!"

The two turned to face Robin as he skidded to a halt, hand up in a Nazi salute as he made the Hitler moustache with a finger.

"Helena is on her way," he dropped a bow, "And, beautiful as she is, she isn't quite so sexy covered in thorns and with Leon…"

"Leon?" asked Jacob.

"What's Leon got to do with it?" added Tanya, voicing his thought.

There was a pregnant pause.

"Nothing!" said Robin, a bit too squeakily, "Nothing at all!"

"Hey, quiet, guys!" whispered Tanya suddenly, "I hear her coming,"

All three looked at one another and then legged it back to the bush.

There was a great crackling of underbrush.

"Helena…" said a voice in almost a pathetic whine. Helena walked in, bristling, followed by Leon trying the catch her.

"Oh shut up and get away from me!" she yelled, "I don't give a fuck anymore! It's not as if you care _anyway_!"

"But, Helena, of course I care," said Leon, continuing to look pathetic.

"Not in the way you should! Not in the way I want!" she hissed, turning to fully face him. This turned out to be a bad move as Leon suddenly leaned forward, cradling her face in his hands and kissing her on the lips.

The look on Helena's face was on of utter shock and fury. She pushed him away so hard, that she lost her balance briefly, stumbling over a tree root and landing _hard_.

"Ow…" she said, rubbing her back as she sat up and the first thing she saw…

…Was Dmitri, staring at her with the same adulation as Leon.

_O Helena! Goddess! Nymph! Perfect! Divine!_

_To what, my love, shall I compare thine eyne?_

_Crystal is muddy! O, how ripe in show_

_Thy lips, those kissing cherries, tempting grow!_

_Like a pure congealed white, High Taurus' snow_

_Fanned by the Eastern wind turns to a crow_

_When thou hold'st up thy hand! O! Let me kiss_

_This princess of pure white! This seal of bliss!_

Helena let out a slight scream as she rushed away from him, stumbling to her feet as he proceeded to kiss her (somewhat soaked) trainers.

"Eew!" yelled Helena, jumping back further. If Dmitri noticed her look of disgust, he didn't let it stop him as he moved towards her.

"Haven't you always wanted this, though?"

"Not like this!" Helena backed away until she was pressed against a nearby tree, "Not like this!"

It was at this, unfortunate point in time that Hermia walked in.

"Leon! Leon, I heard your voice! Leon!"

Hermia ran towards him and, with a strength that would put most rugby players to shame, tackled him to the floor in happiness.

"_Get off me_!" he yelled, to the shock of everyone in the clearing. He all but threw Hermia off him, knocking her down to the floor.

She stared at him, horrified, struck dumb.

"But…Leon…?" she said in a tiny voice, and the look in his eyes was nothing like the Leon that she knew.


	19. Of False Love and Car Keys

**Note:** My God Tanya is out of character here. But still. Would _you_ trust Robin? Really? Search your heart. You know the answer to be 'no'.

See? I didn't keep you waiting another three months. I was a good girl.

Kind of. Maybe. Possibly. Conceivably.

By the way, just as an aside, someone made enquiries as to sequels or a series. Come on. Who honestly thinks there could be a sequel to AMSND? I mean, really. That's clutching at straws, that honestly is. Much as I love Robin, the concept of attempting to writing an entirely original story with him gives me a headache. So there will be no sequel.

Unless you pay me money. That might get a sequel. It would have to be a lot of money, though. And you'd have to give me a decent reason.

And no, I am _not_ going to write about their attempts to unite the Fae. That's too epic, even for me.

**Chapter Nineteen: Of False Love and Car Keys**

"I hate you! _Hate you_! Only Helena counts, only Helena, so _get away from me_!"

The Faeries watched on as Hermia started to sob dryly, tears rolling down her face.

"It's all your fault," murmured Helena. Hermia head snapped up.

"What?"

"It's all _your_ fault! You're the actress here, _aren't you_? You've gotten Leon and Dmitri to…to…to _mock me_ with their _false love_! You take hope away from me then give it back to me _like this_?"

"You think _I'm_ responsible for all this?"

"How else would they act like this? How else would they treat me like this than if _you_ told them to? I didn't know these _boys_," Helena spat the word, "Were so good at acting. Maybe you gave them private lessons,"

Behind the bush Tanya gasped as Jacob's jaw hit the floor and Robin's eyes bugged out of his head.

"Whoa…" said Robin, "That's some _mean_…" he let the sentence hang, just staring out at them.

"Private…private…_how dare you_!" yelled Hermia, folding her arms and glaring at Helena through tear-puffed eyes.

"Everyone knows Dmitri loves you!" yelled Helena right back, "Everyone knows he hates me! So _why else_ would he act like this unless _you told him to_! You even got your _own love_ in on this. Why? To _mock_ me? To makes me feel even more inadequate than I already do?"

"How…how can you think this?"

"By having eyes, Hermia! I'm not _blind_!"

"Helena, I could never hurt you," assured Dmitri moving as if to embrace her. Helena flinched out of the way, and Leon took the moment to take her into his arms.

"Don't worry Helena, I will always protect you,"

"Ugh!"

Helena pushed them both back, now looking horrified, her own cheeks streaming tears.

"Stop it! Leave me alone! Get your hands back…_puppet_!" snapped Helena, before suddenly grabbing her mouth, realizing what she just said.

"So that's it, is it? You're making fun of my _height_!"

"Well, it's not like it wouldn't be hard," grinned Robin. Jacob cuffed him upside the head.

Hermia glared up at the taller girl.

"Just because you're so much taller doesn't mean I can't _rip your eyes out_!"

Helena half-screamed, half-yelled as she ran, just as Dmitri and Leon began to jostle for the right to protect her.

"Don't worry, Helena!" said Leon in the 'macho' voice he had used with Hermia earlier, "I'll make sure she doesn't hurt you!"

"Like hell!" said Dmitri, pushing him out of the way. Hermia tried to push her way through, but the two folded their arms against her as she stared at them.

"Please, Hermia, don't hate me!" said Helena.

"She says after claiming that this is all _my _fault!"

"I'm leaving, don't think I'm not leaving!" said Helena, moving backwards.

"Then what kept you here?" snarled Hermia.

" 'A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.' ," quoted Helena sadly.

"With Leon?" said Hermia.

"With Dmitri!" said Helena, confused as to how she hit _that_ interpretation. As Dmitri and Leon turned to face Helena, Dmitri with a look of euphoria, Leon with a look of anguish, Hermia forced her way through, moving to strike Helena, who managed to slither away. At this stage Leon grabbed Hermia, picked her up around the waist and threw her halfway across the clearing, watching as she landed with a hard thump on the now-muddy grass.

"Holy shit," whispered Robin.

"Your fault," said Tanya, but she too looked horrified.

"How dare you," said a soft voice. Everyone turned to face Dmitri. "How dare you take Helena's part in such a fashion! Leave her alone! She has done you no harm! Leave Helena alone and be content!"

There was a pause.

"No," said Leon and he punched Dmitri in the face, hard, who responded with a knee to the gut. Shaking off the punch, Dmitri tauntingly ran into the forest, Leon close behind.

There was a long, silent moment between the two girls.

"How…could you?" choked out Hermia.

Helena paused, torn between heartbreak and anger. In the end she submitted to the former, and simply walked away. Hermia, weeping, ran in the opposite direction.

There was a long pause.

"_Robin_…" said Tanya and Jacob dangerously.

"How was I to know it would turn out like this, I mean, really?" said Robin, "Admit it. You enjoyed it, too,"

"Sadistic bastard, she's your _ex_!"

"Well, apart from that bit,"

"Both of you shut up!" said Tanya, "Robin, you can mimick, right?"

"Nuduh," said Robin with a roll of the eyes, though he still looked puzzled.

"Well, could you draw Leon and Dmitri back here?"

"Nuduh. Why?"

"Um…well…" Tanya looked at her feet and cleared her throat, "I…uh…kind of…didn't really trust Robin ….soIgotHenceAllErrorsinmycarbecauseIwasscaredthatsomethinglikethiswouldhappensopleasedon'tgetmadatmeplease!"

There was a long pause as Robin and Jacob tried to translate what Tanya had managed to garble out.

"You don't trust me?" said Robin, "Well, _duh_ you don't. The only person I expect that from is Jacob,"

"If you did trust Robin instinctively, I think there really would be something wrong with you," added Jacob.

"Helena did," said Tanya.

"Case in point," said Jacob, nodding towards the clearing.

"So, uh…if we put Hence All Errors in Leon's eyes then…uh…"

"Then all the effects will be erased," said Robin, with a roll of the eyes.

"Except for those things that were errors before," said Jacob softly, "That's what I felt. That's…the twist in the fate…Dmitri's fate was _always_ to love Helena but somehow it got twisted…like when you dislocate an arm. We just had to snap it back into place,"

"So, if you give me your keys, Tanya, I'll go grab that herb," said Robin, too casually.

"Like hell I'm trusting you with my car keys,"

"_Dammit_!"

"Just get Leon and Dmitri back in the clearing. I'll…try and get Hermia and Helena here,"

"Jacob, you _are_ aware that your mimicry skills are, to put it bluntly, shite, right?"

"They don't need to be mimicked just…drawn here,"

"_Whatever_. Isn't that the Incantation's job to lead them back here regardless of what direction they go in?"

"And here I thought Tanya wanted insurance…Tanya?"

"She went to get the herb,"

"Well then for chrissakes Robin, get to work!"

"_Fine_! God, you're just, just so _needy_ all the time, Jacob…"

"_Robin…_"

And thus the Hobgoblin grinned, ducked the cuff Jacob aimed at him, and vanished into the trees…


	20. Of Bad Days and Bad Days

**A/N**: Yeah, I didn't work on this one and…yeah, I just don't have an excuse. For ages it ended at 'where Dmitri was'. Then I sat down and wrote the rest and…this was _really fun_.

For the record, the pixies of chapters past were _not_ spur of the moment, there _was_ a reason for them, and…well…yeah.

I would have continued onto Hence-All-Errors, but it seemed like a good place to end.

Oh, and the proper document in which this is all back to back (with only minor pauses between chapters) is now 70 pages. I so proud.

**Chapter Twenty: Of Bad Days and…Bad Days**

Leon really wasn't having a great time.

No. Really.

For one thing, he was pretty sure Helena had said she loved Dmitri, not him.

For another, he was pretty sure that he had a black eye. The pain and bad vision was a bit of a hint.

For another, he was pretty sure that he was getting lost.

Finally, he was pretty sure that he didn't have a fucking clue where Dmitri was.

"Hey! Leon!" yelled a voice. Leon started and turned – in the darkness it was near impossible to see – but he would recognize that voice any day.

"Dmitri!" he hissed angrily.

"Leon? Come on, bring it, boy!"

Ignoring the fact that it was completely out of character for Dmitri to challenge him like that, Leon ran towards the voice.

"Over here! Let me black your other eye!"

How did he move so fast?

"Just wait till I catch you!" snarled Leon, flinging himself to where he thought Dmitri was…

He stumbled over a pine cone, slid, lost his balance and tumbled down a slope he didn't know existed. Gathering himself to his feet, he rubbed his arm – it had a very long, ugly scratch down it, he could see (it was, really, about the only thing he _could_ see – when did it get so dark?). He gingerly touched it, and was surprised at the amount of blood.

"That's not good," he said softly.

"_Leee-ooon_!" called Dmitri, in a cooing, mocking fashion.

"Piss off!" said Leon, "I'm not playing hide and seek with you anymore!" with that Leon picked a direction and walked…

…ending up in the clearing.

Another thing to add to the 'Why My Day Sucked' list…

It was the last coherent thought Leon had before he fell to his knees and collapsed from exhaustion, sleepiness and blood loss…

* * *

Dmitri was not meeting with much in the way of success either.

"Stop being a coward and get out here, Leon!" he yelled angrily, slipping and sliding over wet rocks.

Wet…rocks?

Dmitri suddenly had a bad feeling.

"You'll have to find me first!" came the reply. Dmitri ran towards him, before slipping on one of the stones and falling, face first, into a shallow river. He felt a sharp rock hit his head, and something thicker than water trail down his face.

Half blind, Dmitri walked in the direction of the voice, before he began to slowly buckle up. He had the sudden vague feeling of someone sighing irritably behind him, before he was yanked back by the scruff of his clothes, and dragged along the river bank. Crawling on his hands and knees, Dmitri moved further, before finding himself…in the clearing?

Dmitri stood up, made a couple of steps, before he sank into the bushes, unconscious even before his balance gave out.

* * *

Helena had collapsed against an oak tree, sobbing, when she heard the voice. Somehow managing to open her tear-blurred eyes, she couldn't see a thing, but she heard something.

_Helena…_the wind seemed to breathe with a smell like crisp autumn leaves mixed with pine needles and that strange scent that always reminded Helena of Christmas. _Helena…_

"Who…?" she said, pulling herself up, "Who's there?"

All she heard was the soft breathing of the forest. The wind seemed to ease away from her, and Helena found herself drawn to that strange wind that seemed to breathe her name…

…To end up in the clearing.

"Oh no," she said softly, "Oh no oh no oh…!"

Helena spotted a figure curled up in the darkness, and somehow something in her knew it was Dmitri.

"_Dmitri!_"

Helena ran to where he lay - even this close it was difficult to make out his features, although there was a definite smell of blood, and his forehead was sticky with something too unpleasant to think about.

"Dmitri…!" Helena turned to call for help, when fingers brushed her forehead.

"Sorry, Helena," said the wind, "But for now you have to sleep…"

* * *

Hermia's entire being just wasn't registering anything. It was as though the world were upside down; her ears rang, her breath didn't seem so steady – even the forest didn't seem normal anymore as she suddenly paused, seeing a sight that for some reason was altogether too familiar…

Candles lit unwholesome features, and the creatures smiled – they smiled the wolf smile, the one that shows too many teeth – and began to step forward. Hermia stumbled, for some reason, her footing suddenly uncertain. Roots that she had clambered over like a monkey now seemed eager to trip her up as a kind of fear gripped her. One root finally caught her heel, and Hermia was down before she could move.

_Run!_ Hermia screamed at her body _Run!_

But it wouldn't move, muscles locked into place as the grinning creatures came closer and closer. They began to sing a song in an incomprehensible language, still grinning that terrifying grin.

They stopped singing and now stood less than a meter away from her, and they all began whispering to one another.

_Isn't she pretty? Isn't she sad? I think that's despair. And fear, we can't fear. What a lovely combination, don't you think? Delicious! _(Here one ran a tongue over razor sharp teeth) _And isn't that look on her face adorable? Mortals always have such wonderful reactions to things, don't you think?_

Hermia's throat were dry, but she still managed to squeak out,

"Help! Someone, help!"

And sure enough, help did come, in a singularly unexpected form.

A hare.

In fact, it looked a lot like the white hare Hermia had petted earlier. A look of distaste came over one of the creatures faces.

_You think you scare us?_

The white hare screamed defiance. One of the creatures laughed like nails on a chalkboard. Hares can't really sneer, but this hare definitely gave the impression.

_Don't hide, little one_ said a creature _show your friend who you really are._

The hare stared furiously at the creatures.

_This time, you don't frighten us_ said the one who said Hermia looked delicious. _You'll have to do better than that._

One of the things threw a candle at the hare, who yelped and dodged it. Hermia stared as the pine needles started to burn.

The hare seemed to give off an air of frustration, before changing shape slowly, until…

"Robin?" whispered Hermia, "Robin?"

The hare-turned-boy turned to face Hermia.

"It's a long story," he said shortly, "Just get out of here,"

_We're meant to fear a _child? The one who called her pretty laughed derisively.

"That's _hobgoblin_ to you, mate!" snapped Robin, "But you can call me 'sir'!"

The creatures laughed.

"I told you to get out of here, Hermia," said Robin to her out of the corner of his mouth, "So…well…get out of here,"

_I don't think so_. The one who had thrown the candle made a motion and the fire grew larger, becoming a circle around Hermia.

"_Robin!_" she yelled, standing up to get away from the flames.

"Let her go, you creeps!" said Robin, "She's not involved in this! Hell, I shouldn't be involved. You're only a bunch of _pixies_ after all," Robin looked smug, "And _I'm_ going to be a Sprite. Good luck beating _me_,"

_YOU_! All the pixies said in mocking surprise. _You're a _child!

"I am getting _so_ sick of that," said Robin, "I'm thirty-three, now shut the fuck up so I can vanquish you, mmkay?"

A pixie, clearly annoyed with Robin, flung a candle at him. Robin caught it in his left hand and raised his eyebrow at the pixie.

"See, that's your problem. You're all so predictable," Robin crushed the candle and flung the wax over the fire around Hermia. It vanished instantly, "_Now_ will you get out of here?"

Hermia didn't need telling twice as she ran backwards into the clearing. She turned in time to see a sudden flash of light, hear a 'WHOA!' followed by the screams a spider would give had it vocal chords.

Robin tumbled out of the woods into the clearing, his coat over his head.

"Ow," he said, "That kinda stung,"

"_Jesus_, Robin, are you okay!" Robin stood up and idly brushed bits of soot off him.

"Hm? Oh, yeah," he said, "Pixies are idiots, really. Their only power is songs and candles, and it's tricky to sing when someone sticks a candle down your throat,"

"You saved my life," said Hermia.

"Yup. And you won't remember,"

Hermia stared at him.

"But I want to - - "

Robin brushed fingers against her forehead and Hermia collapsed…


	21. It is, indeed, the Final Countdown

**Authors Notes:** Originally this chapter was even _sappier_ than it currently is, but I decided that it was far too soon to fully finish the storyline between Tanya and Jacob.

And because I inadvertently set it up (sigh) there is an idea for a sequel. Unfortunately, I have other projects I'd like to get done before then, so don't expect it immediately afterwards.

'Sides. It would be boring if it happened immediately following.

So, without further ado, let the Rites be explained.

**Chapter Twenty-One: It Is, Indeed, The Final Countdown**

"You know, Robin," said Tanya thoughtfully, "That was surprisingly sweet of you,"

"Oh shut up," snarled Robin, "And when did you get back anyway?"

"Just in time to see your genteel approach to Hermia," said Tanya smoothly, "Are you sure it wasn't her you were in love with?"

"Oh just give me the damn herb!" Robin seemed more than a little peeved. Tanya, smiling slightly, gave him the herb. It looked like some kind of mix between a tumbleweed and fluff. Jacob looked at it in bemusement.

"So, _which_ bit do you squeeze?" there was a long pause as Robin's grin steadily became wider, "Wait, forget I asked,"

"Well, Jacob, when a mummy herb and a daddy herb love and respect each other very much…"

"I hate you so much,"

"I know," said Robin in a sing-song voice, smiling his evil smile. Jacob rolled his eyes, checked his watch…

And nearly choked.

"_Robin!_ We've got only three minutes till midnight and the Rites!"

Even Robin froze at that news. There was then a deep gulping noise from him as he took a deep breath, faced the clearing and headed towards Leon, his expression an intriguing mix between dread, irritation, fear and impatience.

_On the ground sleep sound_

_I'll apply to your eye_

_Gentle lover, remedy_

Robin's voice was soft and smooth, filling the clearing with magic. He was no longer Robin; he was now Puck, his eyes sparkling with glamour as it crackled around him.

"Already the Rites are calling," murmured Tanya, her own blonde hair beginning to sparkle.

_When thou wakest thou takest_

_True delight in the sight_

_Of thy former lady's eye._

Robin seemed to pause briefly, as though trying to figure the next bit. Jacob checked his watch. Only half a minute to go. Robin's face split into an evil grin.

_And the country proverb known_

_That every man should take his own_

_In your waking shall be shown;_

_Jack shall have Jill,_

_Naught shall go ill_

_The man shall have his mare again_

_And all shall be well!_

Robin's arms lifted and there a giant _CRACKLE_ of fireworks before it faded gently and Robin ran to his friends.

"Was that filthy interlude _really_ necessary, Robin?" said Jacob mildly.

"Yup. And look!"

The second hand was clicking down on Jacob's watch as the Fae held their breath.

_Five… _

_Four…_

_Three…_

_Two…_

The moment seemed to hang in the air. The Fae were standing ramrod still, knowing that soon their Glamour would be called to show itself before the Somebody Up There and his consort the Banshee. It happened every year, a minor test, and still it unnerved every Fae. The three held one another one's hands so hard the bones creaked.

_One… _

_Bing!_

The forest was suddenly filled with an unearthly glow as the moon, previously dark, flowed into a full moon, bathing the clearing in it's pure yellow light. The three stood back as the Somebody Up There judged them.

It was Robin who was called first. His Glamour swirled around him like a wind, small Catherine wheels making it sparkle. Swallowing, he held his arms out to the moon, feeling himself become his true body, not the mortal seeming he possessed. His eyes glowed golden as he stared up, eyes watering. He barely breathed, and then softly seemed to sing an old tune from his childhood. In the echoing silence of Rites, nobody heard him. Suddenly his eyes widened even more and he fell backwards, his Glamour still gleaming.

"_Robin!"_ yelled Tanya.

"I'm 'kay," he said, standing up, "Just…ow…"

Robin staggered over to Jacob. Absentmindedly he looked at Jacob's watch, and was unsurprised to see that it had stopped on the very stroke of midnight.

Tanya, who had run out to help Robin suddenly froze, and then turned to face the moon. Slowly, long, lazy circles seemed to gently fly over her body, first in a cylinder around her, then closer, the ruby circles sparkling as they flickered over her blonde knots and purple eyes. A wind suddenly seemed to blow hard, making Jacob and Robin flinch away, but Tanya stood strong in the moonlight. She blinked, slowly, like a cat and held out her left hand, palm up, fingers outstretched, as if to catch something. The circles started whirling faster, until Tanya looked as though her skin was pure ruby, her hair garnet, her eyes glowing purple against her.

She, too, whispered something against the wind and there was a CLAP of thunder around her. Tanya let out a kind of soft moan as her Glamour ceased being called and she collapsed completely into the ground.

"_Tanya_!" yelled both boys and they ran forward, forgetting completely that it was Jacob's turn and that Robin was 'absolutely shattered to the mother-luvin' core' as he would say later. Jacob turned as he held Tanya. The air seemed almost to chuckle as Jacob carried Tanya to the trees, Robin hovering.

He turned to face the moon, and Robin suddenly had a horrible premonition that Jacob was in one of his imperious moods.

"Oh, no, Jacob, please, not now," said Robin wearily.

"I guess you're going to fail me now, right?" he snapped.

"Oh, god. I need to muzzle that boy," muttered Robin, resigned.

"If you're going fail me because I came when I wasn't called to help her, then _fine_, fail me! Banish me from Faeryland, send me to the Splintering! I don't care!"

Jacob heard, though the others did not, the soft, gentle and yet strong and commanding voice of something. It made him catch his breath.

"I haven't failed her," it murmured, "She passed. And I must confess, it has been quite some time since a Fae had the temerity to challenge me,"

Jacob crossed his arms and set his jaw.

"Now what?" he snarled.

He heard laughter, and then he felt the sudden power of the Rite. His Glamour, the sparkling volcanoes that burst from his body in it's sapphire color hue, was yanked forward by the Somebody Up There. It filled his body from head to toe, from the inside out. It felt strange; once more the strange sensation of a bone being clicked back into place. He wondered if that was how the other two had felt, and had the bizarre thought that only he ever did or could.

His Glamour erupted all over his body, his eyes sparkling with it. He felt some kind of twist behind his eyes, and he knew that his body was doing what Robin and Tanya's had done as the Glamour was yanked and pulled from his body, and he felt himself almost wavering, but then he pushed back at the Entity testing him during his Rite, and he felt a voice smile.

_Yes, you'll do very nicely, I think._

Jacob stared, and all he saw was white.

_I've passed the test, _he thought, and for some reason, instead of singing, all he thought was, _Hallelujah._

'**_JACOB!_**' Robin and Tanya managed to shake off their paralysis as his Glamour vanished. Unlike the other two, Jacob didn't collapse. He simple neatly folded over to his knees and hands.

The two seemed to hesitate before they touched him.

"What's wrong?" he muttered.

"It's…" the two didn't seem to find words. Something in Jacob snapped a bit and he pulled away from them.

"What's wrong!" he snapped at Robin, whose eyes had gone wide in his face as he swallowed.

"I-I-I…" Robin seemed completely speechless, as did Tanya as they stared.

"What's wrong? I didn't fail, did I?"

"Oh, no," said Robin, white showing all the way round his eyes, "You definitely didn't fail,"

"Then what's wrong?"

Tanya and Robin exchanged looks. Tanya bit her lip; for the umpteenth time that night, Robin swallowed, very heavily.

"It's just we're not very used to…" Tanya's voice failed there and became a mouse whisper.

"What?" Jacob was falling out of anger and into panic. "What?"

"Well, you know how I always said you had it in you to be the king of kings?" said Robin.

"Yes?"

"Well…I was…kind of right…in that it was…an understatement,"

"What?"

"Well, see…after you had your hissy fit, you started being tested, right?" said Robin, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

Robin? Uncomfortable around Jacob?

"Yes?" said Jacob, still not quite getting it.

"And…you know how your Glamour has always been sapphire?"

"Yes?"

"And…you know how the greatest of kings, you know, the uber-kings always have bright diamond white Glamour? And you know how it's said that the very, very, _very_ greatest Fae king has been prophesized to have _transparent_ diamond Glamour?

"Yes?"

"Well, you were kind of having Glamour draw out when it started going translucent. And Tanya and I began to think that maybe you were failing. But…we know what it looks like when someone fails the Rite. And your Glamour kind of went pale blue…then white…then translucent and now…" Robin swallowed, "The last time we saw, your Glamour looking like diamond glass,"

There was a moment of sheer horror for Jacob. He raised a hand and called his (currently quite weak) Glamour.

Sure enough, his Glamour sparkled like glass-clear cut diamond.

"Oh," said Jacob.

"Yeah," said Robin, "That's definitely an 'oh',"

"And an 'ah'," added Tanya.

Jacob looked at them.

"You're scared of me," he said, in a tiny mouse-voice. Robin and Tanya looked at one another, and it seemed, for a brief moment as though they were considering their past actions. Something clicked and the two turned and shook their heads.

"Come on, Jakesy," said Robin.

"Don't call me that,"

"All right, all right,"

There was a long pause.

"King Jakesy,"

"I hate you so much,"

"I know,"


	22. All the World

**Chapter 22: All the World's a Stage**

_Every year, the Rites come. Every year, we're tested._

_Think of it as an exam._

_Although speaking of exams…_

"Ohhh…my head…"

Leon sat up, rubbing his head. It felt like he'd been knocked out by a two-by-four.

There was another groan, not too far off.

"Oh god…" a familiar image stirred, "Did anyone get the number of that pick-up truck?"

Dmitri looked over at Leon. The two both blinked.

"Listen," said Leon, "You have to let Hermia make her own choices. We both do. So…"

Dmitri gave Leon a puzzled look.

"I'm…not really sure I care,"

"You what?"

"I mean…I'm not really sure I want to fight you over Hermia anymore. Not when…"

Dmitri looked around the clearing, until his eyes landed on yet another familiar person.

"_Helena!_"

Dmitri, stumbling over his own feet crashed down into the underbrush next to Helena, meaning that when the girl looked up, the first thing she saw was an incredibly messy-haired Dmitri, a few leaves poking out of his hair as he found himself staring into Helena's eyes, with a somewhat puppy-dog look in them.

Inevitably, the first thing she did was giggle madly, falling into absolute hysterics at the forlorn look in Dmitri's eyes.

"Come off it," he said, grinning, "I can't look that stupid,"

"I'm sorry," she managed through laughter, "But I can't stop! It feels like I haven't laughed in a long time…" her voice died in her throat, as did the bubbling giggles. Dmitri, grin fading into a smile that made Helena's heart thump in a very strange way, stood up and held out a hand. Tentatively, Helena held it and was yanked up to her feet, ending up ridiculously close to Dmitri.

There was a long moment between the two. Dmitri suddenly grinned.

"You've got leaves in your hair too,"

He tried to pick a few out (somewhat unsuccessfully). Then, unexpectedly (or, at least, to Helena anyway – Leon found himself only mildly surprised) Dmitri leaned over (he was only a _little_ bit taller than Helena) and kissed her.

The moment froze as butterflies seemed to flutter under Helena's skin. She was aware of a very _loud_ very _fast_ thumping noise against her chest, and realized abruptly that it was Dmitri's heart.

That one moment stretched out between the two like a bridge from one moment to the next, like a bridge between Helena-that-might-have-been to Helena-that-was and now straight back to Helena-that-now-is as every expectation and every broken crack in Helena seemed to break, leaving Helena-that-was and Helena-that-might-have-been falling to the ground like a snake skin, and Helena-that-is, the Helena wrapped up in the arms of Dmitri-who-has-become, was born back into the world, and if she was a little wiser, a little older and a little harder from the break, so much to the good, because Helena-that-was needed that, and as the moment stretched, Helena broke the last bridge to Helena-that-was, and Helena had never been happier.

"Leon?" said a sleepy voice. He jumped at the sound of it, and turned. Hermia, looking, well, _rumpled_ was the best word for it (and a very good word it was too – it was about the only word suitable for hair like _that_) was sitting up. She rubbed her eyes.

"I feel sore," she said to him, and there was a mute pleading in her eyes. Leon said nothing. Face unreadable, he walked to Hermia, sat down next to her, and held her as if he never intended to let go.

"Leon?"

"I dreamed…I dreamed something terrible,"

"A dream is a dream," said Hermia, leaning back. Something about the way she looked made Leon suddenly feel as if she knew the dream he had had, and, for whatever reason, forgiven him, "And nothing more,"

"_True_," quoted Leon, "_I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain, begot of nothing but vain fantasy_,"

"You'd make a wonderful Mercutio," smiled Hermia, standing up. Leon stood up as well, and paused.

"They're _still_ kissing?" he said.

"Well, they've got a lot to catch up on," said Hermia, completely straight-faced. Leon paused, and a look of horror began to slowly dawn on his face as he stared at Hermia, to the couple and back again.

Hermia. Couple. Hermia. Couple.

"Hermia, if that dream didn't break me then _that_ most assuredly did," said Leon. Hermia pushed him. Leon pushed back. The two got into a quick scuffling match, somehow resulting in Leon on the floor with Hermia sitting, quite righteously looking, on his chest.

"Ow," he said, and Hermia laughed.

"Really, now, children," said a cool voice, "There's no need for this kind of thing,"

"Miss Heppersell!" said all four, scrambling to the half-attention pose everyone wore around her. All their faces suddenly paled.

"D-d-doctor Duke!"

"Well said," he drawled. "Now, I've just been on the phone with Hermia's father…"

There was a groan from all four students.

"…And Thadeus…"

"Amy!"

"…Thadeus told him something that has made my day," Miss Heppersell seemed unusually smug.

"What?"

"I told him to that I never wanted to see him in my office," said The Good Doctor quite calmly, almost absently.

"You did not!" said Amy, "I was there! You used _much_ more words than that,"

"Almost all of which I will not repeat here. Why exactly did you all skip school, anyway?"

"Um…" all four went an astonishing shade of red. Actually, it would be better to say that they were _attempting_ to all go the same shade of red, but due to various changes in skin tone (Helena's darker skin, Hermia's ridiculously pale skin and Dmitri's very tan skin) it ended up with them looking like that had very bad sunburns.

"We were trying to lie low, for a bit," said Leon, "Until the ugly business between Dmitri and me died down,"

"But they told me of their plans," said Helena, "And I promised I would help,"

"Then I, uh…" Dmitri coughed, looking even redder, "I made Helena tell me what was happening. I ran after, but Helena stayed with me and…"

"Our cars broke down," said Hermia, "Leon and I headed into the woods; Dmitri, in love with me, and Helena, in love with him, came along,"

"So, in other words," said Miss Heppersell, "Helena loved Dmitri who loved Hermia who loved Leon who loved Hermia…until…?"

"We're not sure," Dmitri said with a shrug.

"All we know is that we woke up in this clearing," Hermia looked clearly confused, "But…I had the strangest dream,"

"So did I," said Leon.

"And me," added Dmitri.

"Me, too,"

"But I know something," said Dmitri, "That…I don't love Hermia. I never loved her. I only thought I did, because of my rivalry with Leon. I love Helena. I always have. I just…" he scuffed his foot against the floor and shrugged his shoulders. Even his neck and ears were red. Helena's sunburn blush looked even more painful.

"We need to hurry back," said the Good Doctor-Duke, "Robin and Jacob need to explain to me why the whole science department is flooded,"

"Popular opinion among that staff says that Tanya helped,"

"I thought she was our scholarship student!" he said, "The pride and joy of our school!"

"Evidently she, too, has been beguiled," said Miss Heppersell grinning. The Doctor Duke sighed.

"We still need to figure out a suitable punishment for you four,"

"Well, I can think of an _excellent_ punishment," said Miss Heppersell. All four teenagers looked downcast, "You are _all_ going to go to the school play,"

"_WHAT!_"

-------------

"Well, I suppose that's one way to get tickets," said Gypsy with a roll of the eyes.

"They sure as hell passed _that_…'test'…" said Jacob.

"That still doesn't explain why you want to help the performance and why the hell Jacob's suddenly some kind of crazy king," said Snook with her usual lack of tact, "What, should we be curtseying now?"

In complete unison, Gypsy, Jacob, Tanya and Robin all rolled their eyes.

"We're telling you this," said Jacob, "Because you can help us with this school,"

"What do you mean, help us with this school?" said Snook.

"Oh, for once in your life, Snook, shut up!" said Flowery.

"Well…we need to take over this school. We need to help them believe that Fae exist,"

"How do you guys know anyway?" asked Tanya. Simultaneously everyone, even Jacob, pointed to Robin, who grinned, "I might have known,"

"But of course, milady," said Robin, bowing.

"Stop that,"

"Of course, milady,"

"I can see why Jacob says he hates you in when you get in this mood,"

"But of course," Robin grinned.

"What was this exam, anyway? You all seem so terrified of it,"

"Well…"

------------

_It's a minor exam, really. As you get older, you don't need to do it; some adults do it just to commune with the Somebody Up There. But…_

_The Somebody Up There isn't necessarily the kindest of the two consorts. It's been eons since someone failed, but everybody is still petrified as to what might happen, if he decides you're not worthy. It's said he can strip you of your Glamour, leaving you a mortal. People get so worked up about it – about 'the Rites' – that they make the stupidest rules for it._

_It's said he can see your future and change your Glamour accordingly. Why else would you be scared of failing? It's like being told your future doesn't matter anymore. That you don't have a destiny waiting for you at the Banshee's end…_

"Banshee's end?"

_Oh, it's just a vernacular for when you start fulfilling it. People generally start traveling, either in the mortal or Fae world to try and find it. Some people know exactly when it starts._

"But why's it called that?"

_Because that's when you have to stop fearing the Banshee. Fearing death. Once you're free of that fear, you don't need to worry anymore. Your destiny is your destiny, and let the Somebody Up There decide._

--------------

The hall was filled to bursting with people. The buzz of talking was as soft and comforting to the Rude Mechanicals backstage.

"Arse?" said Snook.

"Yeah?"

"Do you really think we can pull it off?"

"Yes. 'Sides. We'll have our prompter on set,"

Snook gave an exasperated sigh, and gently swatted him.

"The curtains are opening," said Snook. Two hearts thumped in throats, "It's time,"

Snook walked on stage, and it was to thunderous applause.

-------------------

"You Glamoured the tickets," said Tanya accusingly to Robin.

"Of course. How else would anybody come?"

They laughed, spotting out people they knew in the audience.

"Hey, it's Dmitri and Helena and…what the hell?"

Dmitri, smiling, put a very familiar purple flower in Helena's dark hair.

"Robin, the flower - ," Tanya's eyes were wide.

"I know. It's lost it's power, I made sure of that,"

There was a long moment.

"I told him to give it to her,"

"Robin…" said Jacob. He had more that he wanted to say, but it seemed to be unable to make it's way out of his mouth.

"Why?" asked Tanya.

"Well, it's pretty, isn't it?"

The two gave Robin a Look.

"I thought you loved her," said Tanya gently, "Even if you were a sadistic sonofabitch back in the Forest,"

"Yes. I do," said Robin, "That's why. They deserve to be happy. Even Dmitri. Even Leon,"

"It doesn't hurt?" asked Tanya, still careful, as if she were dismantling a time bomb.

"Of course it does," said Robin, a little snappily, "But I've got eternity to forget,"

He paused.

"I should probably head back stage,"

Jacob and Tanya stared after him as he walked, with an ever so slight slouch to his shoulders, to the door labeled 'Backstage'.

"He won't forget, will he?" asked Tanya, "He has eternity to remember her in. Eternity in which to ache,"

"Maybe he will," said Jacob, "But it's definitely a 'maybe',"

"Jacob," said Tanya, "You remember, what you said to me? In the Forest? About taking over Faeryland, about joining it together?"

"Yes?"

"You're talking about war, you know. A lot of people will die,"

"I know. We've thought this over. But which would you rather have? A Faeryland in which your life is hampered by the outskirts of it, a Faeryland still covered in mist? Or a Faeryland, a free Faeryland, joined to battle the darkness, even if…" Jacob swallowed hard, "Even if people do die. But…"

"My answer is yes," Tanya said, "As long you know what you're getting us into, it's always 'yes',"

"We'll need more than us three," said Jacob.

"I know. But for now…we're friends. We're family. We're an army of three,"

"Family?" Jacob's voice cracked.

"Yes," she said, "Family. All I've ever wanted, Jacob, was to be with you. Even before I met you. Even before I was born. I've reached Banshee's End, Jacob. I want to be with you…forever,"

They paused.

"That was why Robin kept calling you 'milady'," said Jacob with a twist of a smile.

"Duh,"

The two laughed.

"Well. Now that Banshee's Ended, we should probably go and help Ro…bin…out…"

---------------------

"The floorlights going to crack," Gypsy hissed to Flowery.

"I know, don't think I don't know," Flowery hissed back, before composing his face back into the mask of a Shakespearean character. Out of the corner of her eye, Gypsy suddenly saw a small Catherine wheel fix it. Gypsy smiled.

_Trip away; make no stay;_

_Meet me all by break of day_.

As Arse led them off stage, Gypsy tilted her head just slightly, and saw a vague hint of golden tinsel.

"Hey, wait," said Helena in the audience, "Puck has gone off with them. What happened to his last soliloquy?"

There was a sudden _CRACK_ of light and in the middle stood Robin, who smiled and bowed.

_If we shadows have offended,_

_Think but this, and all is mended,_

_That you have but slumb'red here_

_While these visions did appear._

_And this weak and idle theme,_

_No more yielding than a dream,_

_Gentles, do not reprehend._

_If you pardon, we will mend._

_And, as I am an honest Puck,_

_If we have unearned luck_

_Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,_

_We will make amends ere long;_

_Else the Puck a liar call_

_So, good night unto you all._

_Give me your hands, if we be friends_

_And Robin shall restore amends._

There was another crackle of golden light, and Robin leapt into the air with a spin, landing on the stairs between the aisles, trailing gold in his wake. He paused at the top, and bowed.

"Your Majesties!" he said, and Jacob and Tanya walked up the aisle, diamond and ruby in their wake as they laughed.

"Jacob," whispered Tanya.

"Yes?"

"My name…is Titania,"

"Mine is Oberon,"

There was a pause.

"Should I be surprised?"

"No,"

Tanya laughed and ran up the stairs to meet Robin, Jacob close behind. They leapt in the air, and their forms changed, Tanya's form now Titania, her long blonde hair lightening as it lengthened, her knots flowers, her clothes rippling into petals, and vines, and the smell of snakes and metals.

And Robin leapt, and he became Puck, mad, and mischievous, gold sparks in his hair.

And Jacob became Oberon, the tall, dark man he was destined to become, with red flowers in his hair and the leaves of autumn in his clothes.

The three laughed, and melted away from their true forms into Glamour, flinging their color over the audience, over the world, and it seemed like Faeryland could never be as beautiful as the delight on the faces of their friends, their teachers, even the Good Doctor Duke and Miss Heppersell, as wondrous as the way they yelled and laughed, putting their hands up to catch the droplets that fell, the beads of Glamour, light as air, soft as feathers, and more beautiful than any precious stone in the world as laughter and applause rained out through the school, and the town, and the country.

And all the world was a stage.

**The End**

**A/N: **This is the last official chapter of If We Be Friends, and, inevitably, there are thanks and recognitions to go out, because I want to get this out of the way.

Every reader, even if you didn't review. Reviews are good for the ego stroking, but they also made it obvious that people _are_ reading and people _do_ care which made me feel guilty. It still does. I would name you, except that would take too long.

Onslow College. A good chunk of this story takes place at the school, which was based very strongly and firmly on Onslow College, right down to the ex-seventh form common room. A few changes were made – Benjy _actually_ assaults them at the Social Studies department, and Robin actually is writing the sonnets outside the Deans offices. And I'm still unsure where Robin played the quicksand trick.

The Orange Tree Theatre. The Drama Department was the only section _not_ based on Onslow, and it was based _incredibly_ strongly on my memories of when I was in London and went there with my school for Shakespeare performances. This was the theatre that got me into Shakespeare.

Baz Luhrmann, for showing that Shakespeare _can_ be done in a modern environment.

Mr. W, Ms H. 1 & 2 and the entire cast of Faerie Queen. Not only did Mr. W take me on as Puck, but he also provided the awesome summary Miss Heppersell quotes. If you go down to the woods today you're sure as hell in for a big surprise. Ms. H 1 & 2 for doing so many musicals and for putting on Faerie Queen. It was with them that I learned the horror of the proscenium, knots and gaffer tape. And the cast of Faerie Queen. Their costumes are responsible for Robin's appearance in it's entirety.

My brother, for providing some of Robin's more wacky characteristics. Both of my brothers, as well as my father, my peers and my-not-so peer friends for helping me design the relationship between Jacob and Robin.

The senior cast of Faerie Queen, upon whom almost every character is based.

Cillian Murphy, Heath Ledger, Stephen Fleming, Sean Bean, Oscar Wilde and Brian Froud. I don't know any of you, but they were great influences on building on the senior casts appearances, as well as the fantastic analogies. Marg Helenberg for _looking exactly_ like how I imagine Miss Heppersell. If you ever want to know what she looks like, watch Catherine from CSI and you'll get a good idea of how I picture her.

The principal of Onslow, from whom the Good Doctor-Duke idea came from. I still have no especial image in my mind of Thadeus, except that he looks eerily like my eldest brother.

The Sandman series and The Dark Is Rising for some awesome images and ideas.

Pucktofaerie for forcibly changing Robin from Sprite to Puck (although I still think yelling 'SPRITE!' sounds better than yelling 'PUCK!')

Finally, the Bard. Without William Shakespeare, the world would be very boring.


	23. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Five months later…_

Ms. Heppersell had had more or less quite enough. Looking at the three students in front of her, she buried her face in her hands.

"So, tell me again, _how_ you managed…" she looked at a piece of paper on her desk and twisted her mouth, "To blow up three classrooms, destroy at least five computer accounts and weld a whole corridor of lockers into hearts, stars and obscene gestures,"

Jacob, Robin and Tanya looked completely innocent, yet their eyes showed nothing other than laughter.

"Well," said Jacob, "For the science department, we just stole a lot of sodium…"

"For the floods," said Tanya, "We robbed a plumber,"

"The accounts was just sheer talent," said Robin with no trace of modesty whatsoever.

"As for the lockers…" Jacob let the sentence hang in midair. The innocent looks vanished, and were replaced by nasty grins.

"Give me a good reason why I shouldn't expel you," said Ms. Heppersell.

"Because you'd lose your job," said Tanya airily.

"And you'd miss our company besides," Robin had hidden his malicious grin behind another mask of innocence, "What with Leon and Dmitri mates now and everything,"

"Speaking of which…you can come in now, boys,"

Leon and Dmitri walked in, smirking. Both were covered in assorted bruises. The Fae stared at them, wide-eyed.

"What did you manage to do this time?" asked Ms Heppersell tiredly.

"We fell down," said Leon offhandedly.

"After making Phil Strateo fall down the stairs," added Dmitri.

"Several times,"

"In quick succession,"

"With a catapult,"

"Why?" asked Ms. Heppersell, although she wasn't too bothered. Phil Strateo bothered _everyone_.

"If you injure any of our friends," said Leon with dignity, "You've got everything coming to you,"

"Which friends were these?"

Leon and Dmitri pointed at Robin and Jacob. The two Fae, now the subject of Ms. Heppersell's wrath, smiled winningly.

"He injured you," Ms. Heppersell said flatly. Jacob made a very upset noise, as though Ms. Heppersell had accused him of some high crime.

"It wasn't _our_ fault that he doesn't take kindly to butter at the top of the staircase,"

"Or honey in his books," added Tanya, face unreadable.

"Or fire ants in his lunch box," said Robin.

"Fire ants in his lunch box?"

"I didn't say it was easy,"

"Give me another good reason why I shouldn't expel you,"

Everyone pointed at Tanya.

"Your pride and joy," said Tanya smugly.

"To be honest I think the English department is considering putting Robin up for scholarship,"

"But then I'd have to get my act together,"

"No, Robin," sighed Ms Heppersell, "I think all the staff have agreed that it's a bit too late for that,"

"Sweet!" said Robin, doing a little dance, "I don't have to get a summer job!"

"I thought you _had_ a job!" said Ms Heppersell.

"Yes, well, when your boss is a treacherous son of a female dog of the homosexual persuasion and he finds out you're a Faerie, things go very bad very fast,"

"That, and he stole his bosses' clothing," said Jacob, leaning back in his chair.

There was a pause.

"While he was still wearing them,"

There was another pause as Ms. Heppersell just stared at him.

"What can I say? I gots the gift,"

"To be frank," said Ms. Heppersell, "I'm astonished none of the teachers have tried to throw you out,"

"Oh," said Robin, "They tried,"

"And failed," said Tanya.

"After falling down stairs," said Robin.

"Repeatedly," added Leon.

"In quick succession," the cycle continued with Robin.

"With fireworks," said Dmitri lazily from where he leaned.

"You _injured _staff members!"

"It _was_ one of the librarians,"

There was a pause that spoke volumes.

"What did you do first?"

"They tried to tear up a copy of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_."

"Why?"

"Oh, they thought it would give me ideas," said Robin, so arrogant Ms Heppersell wanted to slap him.

"Isn't it a bit late for that?" she said scathingly.

"Some people just don't learn," said Robin smoothly, apparently unaware of the irony.

"So you threw them down the stairs," Ms. Heppersell tried to regain a topic of conversation that made sense.

"Oh yes," said Jacob.

"Several times," said Dmitri.

"In quick succession," the cycle continued with Leon.

"With fireworks,"

"_FIREWORKS!_"

"Actually, it was Tanya's Glamour, but fireworks makes it sound like we did all the work,"

"Technically you did," Tanya assured Dmitri, "I just…encouraged…certain bits of him to spontaneously catch fire,"

"_YOU SET A TEACHER ON FIRE!"_

"Only his hair," Tanya said in earnest.

"And his clothes," added Leon.

"And his shoes," Dmitri's wide-eyed conviction matched that of Robin.

"Luckily, we didn't burn the catapult," Leon assured Ms. Heppersell.

"That we used to make him fall down stairs," once more, Dmitri and Leon cycled.

"Repeatedly,"

"In quick succession,"

"With aforementioned Glamour,"

"Slash fireworks,"

"You've got a thing about fireworks, don't you?" said Ms. Heppersell.

"You mean you don't?" said Dmitri.

"He has a point, Ms.," said Robin solemnly, "After all, with all the Fae around the place…"

" 'All the Fae'?"

"What, you thought Jacob, Tanya and me were the only Fae at the school?"

"I really don't want to know,"

"I've got a question, miss…er…ms…"

"Yes, Leon?"

"Why didn't you take your husband's name?"

The look Ms. Heppersell gave Leon would have scorched his blood. As it was Leon flinched.

"OkayI'llshutupnowpromise!"

"I'm actually surprised he hasn't tossed us out," mused Tanya.

"He tried once," said Dmitri with quiet menace, "We're not letting go of our girls,"

"Speaking of which," said Ms. Heppersell, "You can come in, now, girls,"

Sure enough, in walked Hermia and Helena, both looking very wind-swept. There was dirt, oil and water on their clothes, and they were slightly singed.

"How did you know we were here?"

"Since Dmitri and Leon walked in, Robin's smile has been growing steadily through out the interview. I can smell burning, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to turn around,"

Immediately, every single student grinned widely,

"It was only a _small_ fire," said Hermia innocently through the malicious grin.

"And we _did_ put it out," added Helena.

"With what?" Ms. Heppersell motioned to their clothes, "Half the river?"

The girls pointed at Robin. Ms. Heppersell hadn't thought Robin could grin any eviler, but sure enough, he did.

"What the hell can you _do_, Robin?" she asked.

"I'm a mischief-maker," he said, "I can do anything Jacob and Tanya want me to do,"

"Why Jacob and Tanya?" asked Ms. Heppersell.

"Well, they _are_ the current reigning monarchs,"

"WHAT!"

"Hey, Tanya," said Hermia.

"Hm?"

"Phil Strateo just went to sickbay for broken limbs,"

"I'll go fix it,"

"You're gonna fix him?" said Robin and Jacob in unison.

"Of course. That's my Glamour. Of course," a long, low smile spread across her face, "My Glamour never said I had to be _gentle_,"

And with that, Tanya vanished.

"Can we re-break them afterwards?" called Robin.

"Only if you distract Ms. Heppersell," said Leon.

"From what?" asked the counselor.

"What we really did, " said Hermia solemnly.

Behind Ms. Heppersell, there was a gigantic BANG!

"Oh," she sighed, putting her face in her hands, "For a normal life,"

And from the room there was the sound of laughter.


End file.
